Doug and I are in Cumberland for the long weekend visiting some friends. It's nice to get away for a little while, but I think I am going to need a more substantial vacation soon. My sister is coming from Utah during my spring break, so I hate to leave while she is here, but I may just need a few days of somewhere else.
So some updates...
Nursery is going a lot better. I've added a little structure (I think) to the program, but I'm not really sure because I don't know what it was like before I got there. We start every day with playdoh, then to puzzles, snack, lesson, coloring, toys, music time, and then bubbles. Unfortunately the other two nursery workers aren't there very often and they don't get subs when they are gone. I guess I can't say too much because I'm out of town this weekend. (But, I did arrange with one of the parents ahead of time to sub for me...) I'm starting to feel like I know what I'm doing and that's nice.
Doug is going to be in Thailand for work the WHOLE month of March. There is a possibility of us living there for a couple years in the future, so he's kind of going out to preview and try it out. I wish my Spring Break would have lined up with his travel because I totally would have gone out there with him for at least two weeks. It's going to be pretty lonely while he's gone, but I've learned to be pretty independent with how often he needs travel for work. If we do move to Thailand for a while it will be nice because I think I will get to see him more often!
The one part about this that REALLY sucks is that March is when my Lupron (menopause inducing) shot finally wears off. I can't get pregnant when my husband is on another continent and there is absolutely no flexibility with his travel dates. It's just yet another roadblock on getting pregnant. I figure I've been trying to get pregnant now for two and a half years now, what's another month? I only cried a few nights. I'm trying to figure out something with my doctor right now because this complicates things.
I'm in a good place right now emotionally about not being pregnant. It's a lot easier for me when I'm on some sort of treatment. There's no monthly roller coaster ride of emotions. I know that I can't get pregnant when I'm on these treatments, so there's no counting days or wondering if I'm pregnant. There's no let down when I get my period. It just makes it easier. To be honest, I'm anxious to go OFF treatment because that means that all of the worry and disappointment will come back.
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| Pregnant Caitlin and I visiting Laura and Baby Bryson. |
My menopause symptoms have become pretty commonplace now. The hot flashes have either gotten better or I've just gotten used to them. I've come up with some ways to be more comfortable during the night even while dealing with the night sweats. I wasn't having any emotional side effects that I could tell until this last Thursday (my 28th birthday).
I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I have some students in my class that are pretty demanding this year. I planned my annual Constitutional Convention on my birthday because I thought it would be exciting to do something out of the ordinary that day. The re-enactment was a little chaotic in the beginning, but I think it went okay. Afterward the kids were all a little wound up and I was going to take them out for an extra recess, but it was rainy outside. I decided to modify my science plans and watch a movie to get them calmed down before I started teaching again. About 5 minutes before the end of the movie, the PRINCIPAL walks into my room to do an informal observation.
I am immediately stressed out because she has been so critical in the past, but I continued with my plans and ATTEMPTED to teach writing. The kids were so disrespectful. They were talking during my whole lesson and there was nothing I could do to regain control. It was awful and the principal just sat in the back of my room scribbling notes down in her little notepad. Oh yeah, and it's MY BIRTHDAY!
I started transitioning into math and had them read for a minute while I passed out homework. When I went to pick up the homework, I noticed that someone had ripped up some of the homework papers?!? I went ahead and started taping them up and then passed them out. We started going over the homework and their behavior still had not improved. If it hadn't been for the administrator sitting in the back of my classroom, we would've had a heart-to-heart right then. My last stitch effort was to try to bring the guilt of, "Hey you guys, it's my birthday and my ONE birthday wish is that you are respectful."
It didn't work.
The principal FINALLY left and I was starting my math lesson by then. I tried to teach my lesson that day with no success, so about 5 minutes in, I split the kids into to groups and had them play comparing fractions war.
If this was all that had happened I might've been okay, but then the assistant principal came into my classroom. I've been dealing with some bullying in my classroom and I have been trying SO hard to catch it and fix it. I've been getting multiple daily emails full of frustration from these parents that are being forwarded to administration as well. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to stop it and yet somehow it still is happening. Then on top of that I had another parent that sent me an email DEMANDING that their child's seat be moved immediately in the classroom. When I didn't respond (it had been less than 24 hours), I received a follow-up email from that same parent demanding to know if the matter "had been taken care of."
And IT'S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!
We were lining up for lunch and the assistant principal is standing there. He tells me that he needs to meet with the suspected bullies directly after lunch. I tell him that I'd like him to just talk to my whole class. Before I know it, my eyes are getting watery and he offers to take them down to lunch. I took him up on his offer and went to the back of the classroom and started sobbing. (It was DEFINITELY the ugly cry!) The kids were still in the room lined up for lunch, but I was facing away from them and they were being so loud that they didn't even notice. (This is the first time in six years of teaching that my class has ever brought me to tears.)
They left and I sat back there trying to pull myself together for the first ten or so minutes of my lunch. I reapplied my make up and headed down the hall to the teacher's lounge to try to enjoy the birthday lunch that my coworkers had bought for me. As soon as I walked in, it was apparent that I was upset and the stupid waterworks started up again. My friend Caitlin had even brought me a special snack of Oreo cookies and milk for my birthday! I just sat there and cried while dipping my Oreos. (I laugh now picturing myself doing this.) I was able to pull it back together and pick my kids up from lunch. I had the assistant principal give them a firm talking to and then I gave them a firm talking to myself. They had indoor recess and then we had a silent reading block.
Unbeknownst to me, one of the other fourth grade teachers that had been witness to my cryout during lunch had told her students that I was having a tough day and it was my birthday. Her class decided to spend their whole recess making me cards. Soon after recess, I got a knock at my door and her students came into my classroom in a long line and each individually handed me a card and wished me a happy birthday. It was very sweet and made me start crying happy tears! :) (Seriously, enough with the crying!)
Doug picked me up after work and we went to Morton's for my birthday. He had made reservations, so they had the menu printed with Happy Birthday (unfortunately they got the date wrong on the menu..) The steaks were really good, but a $150 dinner bill always kills me a little on the inside. We went to the mall afterward, so we wouldn't get stuck in traffic and I bought some shoes. It was all really nice and he was a good listener even though I was trying not to dwell on my tough day.
We were driving home when the family birthday calls started coming in. I even cried as Doug's sisters sang "Happy Birthday!" over the phone. I seriously never cry, so I knew something was way off emotionally and figured it had to be some side effects from the Lupron. I decided to put myself to bed as soon as we got home and that did the trick. The next morning I was much better!
Friday in the classroom went much better as well, but that might be because I didn't allow any talking AT ALL. I spoke to them about bullying and showing respect. We will continue the no talking for all of next week and hopefully I will get my classroom back to the friendly and welcoming atmosphere that I like on the 28th when they will get a second chance.
So that was my 28th birthday. I guess it's memorable?
I was having difficulty coming up with what we would do as a theme for Leah's second birthday party. It was about a month before her birthday and our next door neighbor had given us this mega blocks table. I was making breakfast the next morning before we had even gotten a chance to play with it when I witnessed this from the kitchen. Leah had been picking up blocks one by one and sorting them out by color into their matching places. (I was beaming!) She picked up the purple piece and hesitated for a while. Finally, she threw the block down and went over and grabbed a book instead. Where does the purple one go?
