I realize that my title is random, but I had a really hard time sticking to a single topic in his blog post.
SO, my hot flashes need to be gone before I can start the Clomid. The Clomid won't work if the Lupron is in my system still. I called the nurse today to schedule an appointment with my doctor. She asked me if I was still experiencing any hot flashes and I was like, "I can't really remember... I had a busy day." So after I hung up with her and then had a hot flash like five seconds later. Seriously?!?
I have a phone appointment this Friday to talk to my doctor and I'm going to refer to my notebook with all the questions. I'm nervous that I'll take the Clomid either too early or too late and mess up my chance to get pregnant one of my three months. I hope there's some sort of blood test that they can do to tell me when I should start. I just don't want my inability to remember when I've had my most recent hot flash mess me up.
So maybe April 1st will not end up being my first Clomid day... I hope the next doctor's appointment will bring some reassuring answers.
Had a bit of a stressful day at work, so Caitlin and I went and got pedicures. Seriously, I LOVE pedicures! I never had one before I lived around these high fulootin northern Virginianers, but NOW I'm seriously addicted. It was the perfect thing to get my mind off of work.
Oh yeah, Doug will be home on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's one of his latest emails, so you can be jealous with me:
Last night, I decided to visit Chinatown, since I’m trying to cram as much as I possibly can into the next several days. The experience was definitely memorable – first, I walked to the river and took a “water taxi”, which would probably be more appropriately named a “water bus.” It is a long wooden speedboat with very low benches that you hop on at one of the various stops on the river, and then you proceed down the river at a speed that seems well beyond safe. A series of blue tarps strung to hand-drawn pulleys on the sides of the boat prevent you from getting too wet. The ride is a little unsettling, but at ten baht (33 cents) to get across town, it’s cheaper than a taxi or even the BTS skytrain.
Once I arrived at the proper stop, I realized Chinatown was not within easy walking distance, so I braved my first tuk-tuk – little three-wheeled contraptions with a driver in the front and a bench seat in the back, powered by either a small motorcycle engine or a large lawnmower engine. Tuk-tuks are named such because the engines make a “tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk” sound when they’re riding across town. They are also renown for being rip-offs, and this tuk-tuk was no exception – a Thai who spoke remarkably good English told me that for 20 baht, his tuk-tuk driver would take me to see some touristy sites and then to see some “Thai Fashion”, and then ultimately on to my destination of Chinatown. 20 baht is extremely cheap and I know going into it that it’s similar to a timeshare scam, but I go ahead anyway because I want to see it and it’s cheap. I got to see some really cool Buddha statues and temples. “Thai fashion” was, as expected, the hook – a tailor pays this guy to get tourists onto tuk-tuks and into his store so he can sell low-quality tailored suits and shirts. I was able to turn it around and found out that the wife of my salesman worked as a maid for one of the people at the US embassy, and subtly suggested to him that being extremely pushy with me might result in my “good friend” at the embassy finding a new maid, and I was immediately free to leave. The tuk-tuk drove me to my destination with no further sales stops.
Chinatown was intense – I think it was moreso since it was an extremely foreign culture inside of another extremely foreign culture. I have a friend at the embassy here who is a native of China, and he warned me that Chinese people are much more rude than Thais and will try harder to rip you off. Sure enough, the first street vendor I visited tried to rip me off by saying the price of the food was 15 baht and then when I gave him a twenty, he said “nooo… fifty baht”, to which I responded that I was not a farang (foreigner) and that I wanted my five baht or else I would call the police. He gave me my five baht and doubled my order for the “mis-understanding.” Sadly, most of the shops were closed by the time I got there, so I will have to visit this Saturday to see some of the famous woodwork that can be purchased for cheap in Chinatown.
Better get back to some REAL work!
Doug
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Finding Moments of Peace
About a month ago, I was running late to church. It was about 9:20am (I know, REALLY late!) and I was really rushing to get there. I drive past the trees that are blocking the building and the parking lot is EMPTY. It turned out that it was Stake Conference which didn't actually start until 10:00am. Oops! Well, at least I got like a REALLY good seat and the best parking place.
I definitely need to listen better to announcements at the beginning of sacrament meeting!
So today, I was sitting in church (got there at 9:01am... ONLY a minute late!) during the announcements when they reminded us that General Conference is next weekend! I didn't want to have a repeat of the Stake Conference incident, so I immediately got out my phone to add it to my calendar.
Next Sunday is April 1st. Next Sunday, I am scheduled to start the Clomid. I only have A WEEK. (Breathe in, breathe out.) I think that we're going to just go for it... and hope and pray that I get pregnant in the next three months.
Sure, I'm nervous as heck! I'm worried about the pain, the possibility of surgery, etc... I have several different nightmare scenarios running around in my brain.
BUT, I need to know that we tried everything before we go to IVF.
Last week, I emailed my doctor to ask about a drug that I had heard about through my online support group. She kindly acknowledged my anxiety about taking the Clomid and let me know that the growth of my endometrioma last time was due to ovarian stimulation which both Clomid and Femara (the other drug) do. The reason why she is not doing Femara is because it "has a strong label warning with regards to possible birth defects." She also reviewed it with the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and he does not recommend it either. Then, she basically told me that I could "consider going straight to IVF" if I wished to use something else besides Clomid.
IVF scares me, like A LOT... even more than the Clomid. I still haven't responded to her email.
Lately, I've been going back and forth between having moments of worry and moments of peace.
Monday night this last week was one of my moments of worry. It came on suddenly. I realized that getting pregnant is probably going to be hard, REALLY hard. I also realized that endometriosis is a disease without a cure and will not be going away. Even if I am successful in getting pregnant, it is a painful disease that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life. I became depressed immediately. I cried and pitied myself. I doubted whether or not I was up for the challenge.
Then that same night, I balled the whole time with Doug on Skype. See, I haven't really been bringing up much of my daily worryings because the time that we are able to talk is so limited... I don't want to be the downer in his day. He listened, but as a man he was looking to FIX. Unfortunately, there really isn't an immediate fix, so... he listened. I just felt so alone.
I texted my friend Caitlin a little and then put myself to bed early.
The next morning my alarm went off and I woke up, but I didn't get out of bed. I just laid there. I even knew I would be late to work, but I just laid there.
Lucky for me, as soon as I'm with my students, all of the fear I have about not getting pregnant usually gets put on the back burner. I can't focus on it and do my job the way I feel it should be done. For that, I am grateful.
Tuesday after school, I went to my weekly "date night" with Caitlin and she, knowing about my moment of worry the night before made me a notebook. As you open it up, there are several statements of affirmation to look at. In the very back of the notebook, there are success stories that she found of women getting pregnant with endometriosis. The middle pages are for me to write down my questions and the answers to those questions. Caitlin even sat down and typed up a list of things that I had been repeatedly worrying about in all our many conversations, so I could remember to ask my doctor about it in our next conversation.
This notebook seriously has to be the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for me in my whole life. Caitlin, if you read this, I want you to know that you have been a blessing in my life during this time. I don't always convey myself very well with spoken words, but I wanted you to know how truly grateful I am for your support.
Later in the week, I was having another moment of worry when the title of the LDS hymn, "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" came to my mind. I've never really paid much attention to this hymn before, but like many hymns it has unknowingly been engrained in my memory after years of singing it in church. I looked it up to find the exact lyrics.
1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?
2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.
3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.
Text: Emma Lou Thayne (b. 1924; LDS)
Music: Joleen G. Meredith (b. 1935; LDS)
I'm hoping to have more moments of peace than worry in the next week.
Only 183 more hours (or a little more than seven days) till Doug is home!
I definitely need to listen better to announcements at the beginning of sacrament meeting!
So today, I was sitting in church (got there at 9:01am... ONLY a minute late!) during the announcements when they reminded us that General Conference is next weekend! I didn't want to have a repeat of the Stake Conference incident, so I immediately got out my phone to add it to my calendar.
Next Sunday is April 1st. Next Sunday, I am scheduled to start the Clomid. I only have A WEEK. (Breathe in, breathe out.) I think that we're going to just go for it... and hope and pray that I get pregnant in the next three months.
Sure, I'm nervous as heck! I'm worried about the pain, the possibility of surgery, etc... I have several different nightmare scenarios running around in my brain.
BUT, I need to know that we tried everything before we go to IVF.
Last week, I emailed my doctor to ask about a drug that I had heard about through my online support group. She kindly acknowledged my anxiety about taking the Clomid and let me know that the growth of my endometrioma last time was due to ovarian stimulation which both Clomid and Femara (the other drug) do. The reason why she is not doing Femara is because it "has a strong label warning with regards to possible birth defects." She also reviewed it with the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and he does not recommend it either. Then, she basically told me that I could "consider going straight to IVF" if I wished to use something else besides Clomid.
IVF scares me, like A LOT... even more than the Clomid. I still haven't responded to her email.
Lately, I've been going back and forth between having moments of worry and moments of peace.
Monday night this last week was one of my moments of worry. It came on suddenly. I realized that getting pregnant is probably going to be hard, REALLY hard. I also realized that endometriosis is a disease without a cure and will not be going away. Even if I am successful in getting pregnant, it is a painful disease that I will have to cope with for the rest of my life. I became depressed immediately. I cried and pitied myself. I doubted whether or not I was up for the challenge.
Then that same night, I balled the whole time with Doug on Skype. See, I haven't really been bringing up much of my daily worryings because the time that we are able to talk is so limited... I don't want to be the downer in his day. He listened, but as a man he was looking to FIX. Unfortunately, there really isn't an immediate fix, so... he listened. I just felt so alone.
I texted my friend Caitlin a little and then put myself to bed early.
The next morning my alarm went off and I woke up, but I didn't get out of bed. I just laid there. I even knew I would be late to work, but I just laid there.
Lucky for me, as soon as I'm with my students, all of the fear I have about not getting pregnant usually gets put on the back burner. I can't focus on it and do my job the way I feel it should be done. For that, I am grateful.
Tuesday after school, I went to my weekly "date night" with Caitlin and she, knowing about my moment of worry the night before made me a notebook. As you open it up, there are several statements of affirmation to look at. In the very back of the notebook, there are success stories that she found of women getting pregnant with endometriosis. The middle pages are for me to write down my questions and the answers to those questions. Caitlin even sat down and typed up a list of things that I had been repeatedly worrying about in all our many conversations, so I could remember to ask my doctor about it in our next conversation.
Later in the week, I was having another moment of worry when the title of the LDS hymn, "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" came to my mind. I've never really paid much attention to this hymn before, but like many hymns it has unknowingly been engrained in my memory after years of singing it in church. I looked it up to find the exact lyrics.
1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?
2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.
3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.
Text: Emma Lou Thayne (b. 1924; LDS)
Music: Joleen G. Meredith (b. 1935; LDS)
I'm hoping to have more moments of peace than worry in the next week.
Only 183 more hours (or a little more than seven days) till Doug is home!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Blogging as an Outlet
It probably doesn't seem like it, but I am still incredibly uncomfortable with having all of this personal fertility stuff up on my blog. I know I put it up here for anyone to read, but whenever I have a post where I've talked about getting pregnant, I've always tried to following up quickly with another post. I don't like to focus on negativity.
My blog is a place where I reflect. It takes me a quite while to get my thoughts down and the process of doing it is actually very calming for me. I like to plan and think through things carefully. After I have blogged about something, I feel like I can let it go a bit. It may seem weird that I write about all of this stuff on my blog, but really I have a hard time even talking to my own mom in person about it.
When I see someone that I haven't seen for a while and they ask me how I am doing, I don't want to say something like, "I'm struggling with getting pregnant and it dominates my thoughts pretty regularly." but that's what I think sometimes.
My blog is an outlet for all of that right now. I don't want it to turn into, "My Journey Getting Pregnant with Endometriosis," but this is unfortunately what I am going through at this stage in my life. Hopefully one day my blog will turn into one of those mommy blogs where I obsess over baby monitor choices, discuss sleep training methods, and get excited about potty-training progress.
My blog is a place where I reflect. It takes me a quite while to get my thoughts down and the process of doing it is actually very calming for me. I like to plan and think through things carefully. After I have blogged about something, I feel like I can let it go a bit. It may seem weird that I write about all of this stuff on my blog, but really I have a hard time even talking to my own mom in person about it.
When I see someone that I haven't seen for a while and they ask me how I am doing, I don't want to say something like, "I'm struggling with getting pregnant and it dominates my thoughts pretty regularly." but that's what I think sometimes.
My blog is an outlet for all of that right now. I don't want it to turn into, "My Journey Getting Pregnant with Endometriosis," but this is unfortunately what I am going through at this stage in my life. Hopefully one day my blog will turn into one of those mommy blogs where I obsess over baby monitor choices, discuss sleep training methods, and get excited about potty-training progress.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Doubt
I decided after my disappointing conversation with my doctor that I would join a support group online for women with endometriosis. I wanted to talk to women that were going through the same thing I was.
Well, I feel like I've learned a lot, but unfortunately I feel so much more conflicted and full of doubt.
What I found when I got on these message boards was very sad, and yet comforting at the same time. Women, reaching out to other women... sharing experiences, seeking advice, and just venting on tough days. They all, like me, are all going through the nightmare of trying to conceive with endometriosis. Many have dealt with the hot flashes and night sweats from Lupron. They've gone through surgeries for the removal of growths from endometriosis. Some have had experiences with failed IVF cycles. Others are trying natural and homeopathic remedies. And some lucky ones stay on long enough to share their success stories.
I really and truly think that my wonderful and very capable doctor is doing everything that SHE believes will help me. One time in conversation with my doctor, she said, "Usually I just give women their annual pap smear and send them on their way with their birth control prescription." ...I'm not her usual case. She even realizes this. She's consulting specialists on my case.
The most common advice, I've gotten from women in the group is "Stop seeing your OBGYN and start seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or fertility doctor." My doctor said that she was going to refer me after this last attempt. Should I ask now? Do I even ask my OBGYN? What does my insurance cover?
One of the biggest shockers I heard from a woman in my group was that "Lupron will not shrink an endometrioma. It only keeps your endometriosis 'quiet' because it puts you in a temporary menopausal state." It can shrink a complex cyst, but an endometrioma is a blood-filled cyst. It can only get smaller or go away through surgery. WHAT?? Did I misunderstand my doctor? Does she even know what she is doing?
Another thing I've heard from multiple women is "Clomid will only fuel your endometriosis. Don't take it!!" This one is extremely concerning to me. My doctor basically told me through our last conversation that Clomid might be my last chance to get pregnant naturally. That both her and the fertility doctor she consulted both believe that I do not have the time and should not take the chance of trying to conceive without any medication.
I'm doubting everything. I don't know what to do. I need to talk to my doctor, but I don't know how to bring up many of these questions. If I do what she says and take Clomid, will I end up regretting it? What if I lose my right ovary? What if my left ovary ends up being bad? Will I be okay with not having my own biological children?
I just don't want to mess up. Because all of these decisions matter A LOT.
I know, I know...
#1 Have FAITH,
#2 TRUST that everything will work out the way it is supposed to,
#3 DON'T GIVE UP,
#4 RELAX,
#5 Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, and then PRAY some more.
I'm trying.
Well, I feel like I've learned a lot, but unfortunately I feel so much more conflicted and full of doubt.
What I found when I got on these message boards was very sad, and yet comforting at the same time. Women, reaching out to other women... sharing experiences, seeking advice, and just venting on tough days. They all, like me, are all going through the nightmare of trying to conceive with endometriosis. Many have dealt with the hot flashes and night sweats from Lupron. They've gone through surgeries for the removal of growths from endometriosis. Some have had experiences with failed IVF cycles. Others are trying natural and homeopathic remedies. And some lucky ones stay on long enough to share their success stories.
There was one thing though that I hadn't expected... women expressing regret over trusting the decisions of their doctors. I don't know if it is how I was raised or if it is my personality,
but I've always been very respectful and trusting of doctors. In fact,
I've probably viewed them as being superhuman and incapable of making
mistakes. They went to a bajillion years of school to be able treat and
diagnose. I've just always trusted them.
Now, my ability to conceive and bear my own children is at stake.
I really and truly think that my wonderful and very capable doctor is doing everything that SHE believes will help me. One time in conversation with my doctor, she said, "Usually I just give women their annual pap smear and send them on their way with their birth control prescription." ...I'm not her usual case. She even realizes this. She's consulting specialists on my case.
The most common advice, I've gotten from women in the group is "Stop seeing your OBGYN and start seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or fertility doctor." My doctor said that she was going to refer me after this last attempt. Should I ask now? Do I even ask my OBGYN? What does my insurance cover?
One of the biggest shockers I heard from a woman in my group was that "Lupron will not shrink an endometrioma. It only keeps your endometriosis 'quiet' because it puts you in a temporary menopausal state." It can shrink a complex cyst, but an endometrioma is a blood-filled cyst. It can only get smaller or go away through surgery. WHAT?? Did I misunderstand my doctor? Does she even know what she is doing?
Another thing I've heard from multiple women is "Clomid will only fuel your endometriosis. Don't take it!!" This one is extremely concerning to me. My doctor basically told me through our last conversation that Clomid might be my last chance to get pregnant naturally. That both her and the fertility doctor she consulted both believe that I do not have the time and should not take the chance of trying to conceive without any medication.
I'm doubting everything. I don't know what to do. I need to talk to my doctor, but I don't know how to bring up many of these questions. If I do what she says and take Clomid, will I end up regretting it? What if I lose my right ovary? What if my left ovary ends up being bad? Will I be okay with not having my own biological children?
I just don't want to mess up. Because all of these decisions matter A LOT.
I know, I know...
#1 Have FAITH,
#2 TRUST that everything will work out the way it is supposed to,
#3 DON'T GIVE UP,
#4 RELAX,
#5 Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, and then PRAY some more.
I'm trying.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Three Months
I talked with my doctor yesterday to try to figure out what is next. She started our conversation saying that she had good news and bad news. Basically the "good news" is that she wants to just go for it. The plan is to go on with what we were going to do before we knew that the Lupron wasn't working. Try Clomid and just hope I can get pregnant.
There are risks (of course!). My body reacted very badly to the Clomid before. It very possible I could end up in the hospital again getting surgery. (in the middle of the school year??) This time though, they would do an Oophorectomy (oh-oaf-uh-REK-tuh-me) which is the removal of an ovary (my right one). The ovaries "take turns" randomly and the best case scenario would be that it is my left ovary's turn when I start on the Clomid. If it is the right ovary's turn, things might not go so well. (We can't choose which ovary's "turn" it is.)
...uh that's the good news??
So then the bad news?
After seeing the not-so-fantastic results of my ultrasound, my doctor looked to some colleagues for advice. She shared my history with a fertility specialist, Dr. Khan, that she had worked closely with in the past. (In 2012, Dr. Khan was named in the Washingtonian's "Top Doctors" list for Infertility.) The consensus between doctors is, I need to get pregnant as soon as possible. Both doctors agree that the Clomid is my best chance at a "natural" pregnancy.
Right now, my left ovary is looking great and in time if the disease has time to spread... It might not. My endometriosis has shown itself to be very resistant to any form of treatment. I asked my doctor if there was something more powerful than the Lupron, but apparently Lupron is the strongest stuff they use.
We have THREE cycles of Clomid and THREE months to get pregnant starting in April. If it doesn't happen, Doug and I will be referred to a fertility specialist. She even said that we would start the prescreening fertility stuff after month two because we have no time to waste. Then she said the three letters that I DID NOT want to hear.
That's the next NEXT step. A test tube baby? That means $$$$$. Literally that many dollar signs. I've looked at the costs associated with IVF and you can't get it for any less than $10,000 in the US and those are just the starting costs. Don't even get me started on all of the ethical issues involved.
Icing on the cake? I got stuck in Friday traffic and didn't make it home in time to talk to Doug.
Okay body, you've got THREE months. You CAN do this.
There are risks (of course!). My body reacted very badly to the Clomid before. It very possible I could end up in the hospital again getting surgery. (in the middle of the school year??) This time though, they would do an Oophorectomy (oh-oaf-uh-REK-tuh-me) which is the removal of an ovary (my right one). The ovaries "take turns" randomly and the best case scenario would be that it is my left ovary's turn when I start on the Clomid. If it is the right ovary's turn, things might not go so well. (We can't choose which ovary's "turn" it is.)
...uh that's the good news??
So then the bad news?
After seeing the not-so-fantastic results of my ultrasound, my doctor looked to some colleagues for advice. She shared my history with a fertility specialist, Dr. Khan, that she had worked closely with in the past. (In 2012, Dr. Khan was named in the Washingtonian's "Top Doctors" list for Infertility.) The consensus between doctors is, I need to get pregnant as soon as possible. Both doctors agree that the Clomid is my best chance at a "natural" pregnancy.
Right now, my left ovary is looking great and in time if the disease has time to spread... It might not. My endometriosis has shown itself to be very resistant to any form of treatment. I asked my doctor if there was something more powerful than the Lupron, but apparently Lupron is the strongest stuff they use.
We have THREE cycles of Clomid and THREE months to get pregnant starting in April. If it doesn't happen, Doug and I will be referred to a fertility specialist. She even said that we would start the prescreening fertility stuff after month two because we have no time to waste. Then she said the three letters that I DID NOT want to hear.
IVF
That's the next NEXT step. A test tube baby? That means $$$$$. Literally that many dollar signs. I've looked at the costs associated with IVF and you can't get it for any less than $10,000 in the US and those are just the starting costs. Don't even get me started on all of the ethical issues involved.
Icing on the cake? I got stuck in Friday traffic and didn't make it home in time to talk to Doug.
Okay body, you've got THREE months. You CAN do this.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Next Step?
So, I went to get my ultrasound today after work. I really felt like the appointment was just a formality just to check to "make sure" that the medicine was working. I mean, the Lupron was basically shutting down my estrogen production. There's nothing left to "feed" the endometrioma.
Well, I asked the ultrasound tech if I could speak directly to the radiologist afterward today because I was tired of waiting for news. The tech was very kind and was able to get the radiologist to speak to me the same day.
I should have been sitting down.
It turns out that the endometrioma on my right ovary is the same size... maybe even slightly bigger.
I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be GONE. I've been going through menopause for the last three and a half months for basically nothing.
I was brave. I didn't cry. The radiologist told me that she had endometriosis as well and she was still able to have four children. She was very optimistic and tried to even joke with me about how the male hormones they gave her "back in the day" made her really buff... and that guys have it easy when trying to tone their muscles, and blah blah blah. I just kind of stood there feeling dead and hopeless inside. I tried to crack a smile at her obvious attempt to cheer me up. But, it was just BAD news. And it really came out of no where.
I left the office swiftly, but got stuck behind a woman in a cute maternity shirt that was leaving the building and walking at a slightly slower pace. I really tried to rein in the tears.
I got lost driving home. The signs were fuzzy.
I couldn't call Doug because he is in Thailand for the next month. So, I did the next best thing and called my good friend Caitlin. It's important to have good friends. When you get news like that, you just need to talk to someone.
I got home just in time to get Doug's nightly Skype call. It's 12 hours difference. He tells me good night and I tell him good morning. He listened and was supportive. What else is there that he can do?
Another good teacher friend of mine moved into my neighborhood recently and had me over for dessert tonight. We talked about non-depressing things and I think I'm going to make dinner for her cute little family. I've been really fortunate to have good friends that keep me busy while Doug is gone and my house is empty.
I called my doctor and left a message to set up a phone appointment for hopefully tomorrow. Honestly, I don't know what all this this means, but I'm pretty sure I was on this medication to see SOME improvement... and it doesn't really look like there was any. I thought that giving me the Lupron shot was taking out the "big guns."
I don't even know what the next step is.
Well, I asked the ultrasound tech if I could speak directly to the radiologist afterward today because I was tired of waiting for news. The tech was very kind and was able to get the radiologist to speak to me the same day.
I should have been sitting down.
It turns out that the endometrioma on my right ovary is the same size... maybe even slightly bigger.
I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be GONE. I've been going through menopause for the last three and a half months for basically nothing.
I was brave. I didn't cry. The radiologist told me that she had endometriosis as well and she was still able to have four children. She was very optimistic and tried to even joke with me about how the male hormones they gave her "back in the day" made her really buff... and that guys have it easy when trying to tone their muscles, and blah blah blah. I just kind of stood there feeling dead and hopeless inside. I tried to crack a smile at her obvious attempt to cheer me up. But, it was just BAD news. And it really came out of no where.
I left the office swiftly, but got stuck behind a woman in a cute maternity shirt that was leaving the building and walking at a slightly slower pace. I really tried to rein in the tears.
I got lost driving home. The signs were fuzzy.
I couldn't call Doug because he is in Thailand for the next month. So, I did the next best thing and called my good friend Caitlin. It's important to have good friends. When you get news like that, you just need to talk to someone.
I got home just in time to get Doug's nightly Skype call. It's 12 hours difference. He tells me good night and I tell him good morning. He listened and was supportive. What else is there that he can do?
Another good teacher friend of mine moved into my neighborhood recently and had me over for dessert tonight. We talked about non-depressing things and I think I'm going to make dinner for her cute little family. I've been really fortunate to have good friends that keep me busy while Doug is gone and my house is empty.
I called my doctor and left a message to set up a phone appointment for hopefully tomorrow. Honestly, I don't know what all this this means, but I'm pretty sure I was on this medication to see SOME improvement... and it doesn't really look like there was any. I thought that giving me the Lupron shot was taking out the "big guns."
I don't even know what the next step is.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Some Optimism
So, I had been trying to email my doctor to come up with a short extension for my plan for treatment, but either she was being unclear or I was because I got so confused! Anyway, I finally scheduled a phone appointment with her and we talked for about 30 minutes today. She was at work at 6:30 on a Friday night when she called me. (I happened to be at work as well, but that's just because I don't have a life... and Doug is out of town this weekend.)
Apparently, my Lupron shot wears off almost a full week before I thought it was going to, but not soon enough to matter for Doug's travel dates. I am going in on Monday or Tuesday this next week to get a ONE month Lupron shot. I think all of the crazy emotion I've been feeling this last little while is my hormone levels changing from my three month shot wearing off. I'm down to about three hot flashes a day instead of more than a dozen. That's good because I think it shows that my system is trying to return back to normal.
We also were able to schedule a follow-up ultrasound in a couple of weeks to make sure that this shot is actually working. If my second shot has worn off by April 1st (meaning no hot flashes), then they will start me on the Clomid again. Clomid isn't a super strong fertility drug, but it should (hopefully) bring my fertility up to what it would be if I didn't have endometriosis.
Of course, there was a disclaimer once again (although now I take them more seriously) that my system may need a "jump start" with some birth control after the Lupron if my brain and ovaries have somehow forgotten how to communicate and need a little push.
So that's my health update! I feel so high maintenance! :)
As far as the classroom, things have been going pretty good. The no-talking mornings were actually pretty nice this week and I'm actually sad to see them go on Monday. I've joked with the other teachers that my kids probably all scared of me right now. I've been acting like some crazy two-headed monster. Every morning I greet my students at the door with a smile and a "Good morning!" :) In the room though if one of them talks, the scary Mrs. "S" comes out. "I said NO TALKING!" and I have this kind of mean/serious look. Sometimes I have to go out into the hall to smile without them seeing me, so I still am taken seriously.
I've been really worried that my students will not enjoy school anymore with this new two-headed monster-ness. Today in my compliment bucket (We do weekly compliments for each other.) there were four different compliments from students all having to do with them liking my smile or how I greet them in the morning. It was nice to know that I haven't crushed their spirits.
Their behavior as a class is SOOOOOO much better after our talks last week. Seriously, I rang the bell this morning to get their attention and they all stopped IMMEDIATELY and listened to directions. The Spanish teacher happened to still be in the room and looked like she was going to faint from disbelief. :)
Doug will be back Saturday night and I get to enjoy him for a WHOLE week before he is off to Thailand for a month. His boss who has traveled extensively and is still happily married offered to let him borrow his sliding scale of travel gifts for the spouse. He has apparently figured out a "tried and true" formula for how much you need to spend on gifts for your wife in relation to how long you will be traveling. I should probably get something good for a full month, right?
Apparently, my Lupron shot wears off almost a full week before I thought it was going to, but not soon enough to matter for Doug's travel dates. I am going in on Monday or Tuesday this next week to get a ONE month Lupron shot. I think all of the crazy emotion I've been feeling this last little while is my hormone levels changing from my three month shot wearing off. I'm down to about three hot flashes a day instead of more than a dozen. That's good because I think it shows that my system is trying to return back to normal.
We also were able to schedule a follow-up ultrasound in a couple of weeks to make sure that this shot is actually working. If my second shot has worn off by April 1st (meaning no hot flashes), then they will start me on the Clomid again. Clomid isn't a super strong fertility drug, but it should (hopefully) bring my fertility up to what it would be if I didn't have endometriosis.
Of course, there was a disclaimer once again (although now I take them more seriously) that my system may need a "jump start" with some birth control after the Lupron if my brain and ovaries have somehow forgotten how to communicate and need a little push.
So that's my health update! I feel so high maintenance! :)
As far as the classroom, things have been going pretty good. The no-talking mornings were actually pretty nice this week and I'm actually sad to see them go on Monday. I've joked with the other teachers that my kids probably all scared of me right now. I've been acting like some crazy two-headed monster. Every morning I greet my students at the door with a smile and a "Good morning!" :) In the room though if one of them talks, the scary Mrs. "S" comes out. "I said NO TALKING!" and I have this kind of mean/serious look. Sometimes I have to go out into the hall to smile without them seeing me, so I still am taken seriously.
I've been really worried that my students will not enjoy school anymore with this new two-headed monster-ness. Today in my compliment bucket (We do weekly compliments for each other.) there were four different compliments from students all having to do with them liking my smile or how I greet them in the morning. It was nice to know that I haven't crushed their spirits.
Their behavior as a class is SOOOOOO much better after our talks last week. Seriously, I rang the bell this morning to get their attention and they all stopped IMMEDIATELY and listened to directions. The Spanish teacher happened to still be in the room and looked like she was going to faint from disbelief. :)
Doug will be back Saturday night and I get to enjoy him for a WHOLE week before he is off to Thailand for a month. His boss who has traveled extensively and is still happily married offered to let him borrow his sliding scale of travel gifts for the spouse. He has apparently figured out a "tried and true" formula for how much you need to spend on gifts for your wife in relation to how long you will be traveling. I should probably get something good for a full month, right?
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Happy FREAKING Birthday to Me!
Doug and I are in Cumberland for the long weekend visiting some friends. It's nice to get away for a little while, but I think I am going to need a more substantial vacation soon. My sister is coming from Utah during my spring break, so I hate to leave while she is here, but I may just need a few days of somewhere else.
So some updates...
Nursery is going a lot better. I've added a little structure (I think) to the program, but I'm not really sure because I don't know what it was like before I got there. We start every day with playdoh, then to puzzles, snack, lesson, coloring, toys, music time, and then bubbles. Unfortunately the other two nursery workers aren't there very often and they don't get subs when they are gone. I guess I can't say too much because I'm out of town this weekend. (But, I did arrange with one of the parents ahead of time to sub for me...) I'm starting to feel like I know what I'm doing and that's nice.
Doug is going to be in Thailand for work the WHOLE month of March. There is a possibility of us living there for a couple years in the future, so he's kind of going out to preview and try it out. I wish my Spring Break would have lined up with his travel because I totally would have gone out there with him for at least two weeks. It's going to be pretty lonely while he's gone, but I've learned to be pretty independent with how often he needs travel for work. If we do move to Thailand for a while it will be nice because I think I will get to see him more often!
The one part about this that REALLY sucks is that March is when my Lupron (menopause inducing) shot finally wears off. I can't get pregnant when my husband is on another continent and there is absolutely no flexibility with his travel dates. It's just yet another roadblock on getting pregnant. I figure I've been trying to get pregnant now for two and a half years now, what's another month? I only cried a few nights. I'm trying to figure out something with my doctor right now because this complicates things.
I'm in a good place right now emotionally about not being pregnant. It's a lot easier for me when I'm on some sort of treatment. There's no monthly roller coaster ride of emotions. I know that I can't get pregnant when I'm on these treatments, so there's no counting days or wondering if I'm pregnant. There's no let down when I get my period. It just makes it easier. To be honest, I'm anxious to go OFF treatment because that means that all of the worry and disappointment will come back.
My menopause symptoms have become pretty commonplace now. The hot flashes have either gotten better or I've just gotten used to them. I've come up with some ways to be more comfortable during the night even while dealing with the night sweats. I wasn't having any emotional side effects that I could tell until this last Thursday (my 28th birthday).
I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I have some students in my class that are pretty demanding this year. I planned my annual Constitutional Convention on my birthday because I thought it would be exciting to do something out of the ordinary that day. The re-enactment was a little chaotic in the beginning, but I think it went okay. Afterward the kids were all a little wound up and I was going to take them out for an extra recess, but it was rainy outside. I decided to modify my science plans and watch a movie to get them calmed down before I started teaching again. About 5 minutes before the end of the movie, the PRINCIPAL walks into my room to do an informal observation.
I am immediately stressed out because she has been so critical in the past, but I continued with my plans and ATTEMPTED to teach writing. The kids were so disrespectful. They were talking during my whole lesson and there was nothing I could do to regain control. It was awful and the principal just sat in the back of my room scribbling notes down in her little notepad. Oh yeah, and it's MY BIRTHDAY!
I started transitioning into math and had them read for a minute while I passed out homework. When I went to pick up the homework, I noticed that someone had ripped up some of the homework papers?!? I went ahead and started taping them up and then passed them out. We started going over the homework and their behavior still had not improved. If it hadn't been for the administrator sitting in the back of my classroom, we would've had a heart-to-heart right then. My last stitch effort was to try to bring the guilt of, "Hey you guys, it's my birthday and my ONE birthday wish is that you are respectful."
It didn't work.
The principal FINALLY left and I was starting my math lesson by then. I tried to teach my lesson that day with no success, so about 5 minutes in, I split the kids into to groups and had them play comparing fractions war.
If this was all that had happened I might've been okay, but then the assistant principal came into my classroom. I've been dealing with some bullying in my classroom and I have been trying SO hard to catch it and fix it. I've been getting multiple daily emails full of frustration from these parents that are being forwarded to administration as well. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to stop it and yet somehow it still is happening. Then on top of that I had another parent that sent me an email DEMANDING that their child's seat be moved immediately in the classroom. When I didn't respond (it had been less than 24 hours), I received a follow-up email from that same parent demanding to know if the matter "had been taken care of."
And IT'S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!
We were lining up for lunch and the assistant principal is standing there. He tells me that he needs to meet with the suspected bullies directly after lunch. I tell him that I'd like him to just talk to my whole class. Before I know it, my eyes are getting watery and he offers to take them down to lunch. I took him up on his offer and went to the back of the classroom and started sobbing. (It was DEFINITELY the ugly cry!) The kids were still in the room lined up for lunch, but I was facing away from them and they were being so loud that they didn't even notice. (This is the first time in six years of teaching that my class has ever brought me to tears.)
They left and I sat back there trying to pull myself together for the first ten or so minutes of my lunch. I reapplied my make up and headed down the hall to the teacher's lounge to try to enjoy the birthday lunch that my coworkers had bought for me. As soon as I walked in, it was apparent that I was upset and the stupid waterworks started up again. My friend Caitlin had even brought me a special snack of Oreo cookies and milk for my birthday! I just sat there and cried while dipping my Oreos. (I laugh now picturing myself doing this.) I was able to pull it back together and pick my kids up from lunch. I had the assistant principal give them a firm talking to and then I gave them a firm talking to myself. They had indoor recess and then we had a silent reading block.
Unbeknownst to me, one of the other fourth grade teachers that had been witness to my cryout during lunch had told her students that I was having a tough day and it was my birthday. Her class decided to spend their whole recess making me cards. Soon after recess, I got a knock at my door and her students came into my classroom in a long line and each individually handed me a card and wished me a happy birthday. It was very sweet and made me start crying happy tears! :) (Seriously, enough with the crying!)
Doug picked me up after work and we went to Morton's for my birthday. He had made reservations, so they had the menu printed with Happy Birthday (unfortunately they got the date wrong on the menu..) The steaks were really good, but a $150 dinner bill always kills me a little on the inside. We went to the mall afterward, so we wouldn't get stuck in traffic and I bought some shoes. It was all really nice and he was a good listener even though I was trying not to dwell on my tough day.
We were driving home when the family birthday calls started coming in. I even cried as Doug's sisters sang "Happy Birthday!" over the phone. I seriously never cry, so I knew something was way off emotionally and figured it had to be some side effects from the Lupron. I decided to put myself to bed as soon as we got home and that did the trick. The next morning I was much better!
Friday in the classroom went much better as well, but that might be because I didn't allow any talking AT ALL. I spoke to them about bullying and showing respect. We will continue the no talking for all of next week and hopefully I will get my classroom back to the friendly and welcoming atmosphere that I like on the 28th when they will get a second chance.
So that was my 28th birthday. I guess it's memorable?
So some updates...
Nursery is going a lot better. I've added a little structure (I think) to the program, but I'm not really sure because I don't know what it was like before I got there. We start every day with playdoh, then to puzzles, snack, lesson, coloring, toys, music time, and then bubbles. Unfortunately the other two nursery workers aren't there very often and they don't get subs when they are gone. I guess I can't say too much because I'm out of town this weekend. (But, I did arrange with one of the parents ahead of time to sub for me...) I'm starting to feel like I know what I'm doing and that's nice.
Doug is going to be in Thailand for work the WHOLE month of March. There is a possibility of us living there for a couple years in the future, so he's kind of going out to preview and try it out. I wish my Spring Break would have lined up with his travel because I totally would have gone out there with him for at least two weeks. It's going to be pretty lonely while he's gone, but I've learned to be pretty independent with how often he needs travel for work. If we do move to Thailand for a while it will be nice because I think I will get to see him more often!
The one part about this that REALLY sucks is that March is when my Lupron (menopause inducing) shot finally wears off. I can't get pregnant when my husband is on another continent and there is absolutely no flexibility with his travel dates. It's just yet another roadblock on getting pregnant. I figure I've been trying to get pregnant now for two and a half years now, what's another month? I only cried a few nights. I'm trying to figure out something with my doctor right now because this complicates things.
I'm in a good place right now emotionally about not being pregnant. It's a lot easier for me when I'm on some sort of treatment. There's no monthly roller coaster ride of emotions. I know that I can't get pregnant when I'm on these treatments, so there's no counting days or wondering if I'm pregnant. There's no let down when I get my period. It just makes it easier. To be honest, I'm anxious to go OFF treatment because that means that all of the worry and disappointment will come back.
 |
| Pregnant Caitlin and I visiting Laura and Baby Bryson. |
My menopause symptoms have become pretty commonplace now. The hot flashes have either gotten better or I've just gotten used to them. I've come up with some ways to be more comfortable during the night even while dealing with the night sweats. I wasn't having any emotional side effects that I could tell until this last Thursday (my 28th birthday).
I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I have some students in my class that are pretty demanding this year. I planned my annual Constitutional Convention on my birthday because I thought it would be exciting to do something out of the ordinary that day. The re-enactment was a little chaotic in the beginning, but I think it went okay. Afterward the kids were all a little wound up and I was going to take them out for an extra recess, but it was rainy outside. I decided to modify my science plans and watch a movie to get them calmed down before I started teaching again. About 5 minutes before the end of the movie, the PRINCIPAL walks into my room to do an informal observation.
I am immediately stressed out because she has been so critical in the past, but I continued with my plans and ATTEMPTED to teach writing. The kids were so disrespectful. They were talking during my whole lesson and there was nothing I could do to regain control. It was awful and the principal just sat in the back of my room scribbling notes down in her little notepad. Oh yeah, and it's MY BIRTHDAY!
I started transitioning into math and had them read for a minute while I passed out homework. When I went to pick up the homework, I noticed that someone had ripped up some of the homework papers?!? I went ahead and started taping them up and then passed them out. We started going over the homework and their behavior still had not improved. If it hadn't been for the administrator sitting in the back of my classroom, we would've had a heart-to-heart right then. My last stitch effort was to try to bring the guilt of, "Hey you guys, it's my birthday and my ONE birthday wish is that you are respectful."
It didn't work.
The principal FINALLY left and I was starting my math lesson by then. I tried to teach my lesson that day with no success, so about 5 minutes in, I split the kids into to groups and had them play comparing fractions war.
If this was all that had happened I might've been okay, but then the assistant principal came into my classroom. I've been dealing with some bullying in my classroom and I have been trying SO hard to catch it and fix it. I've been getting multiple daily emails full of frustration from these parents that are being forwarded to administration as well. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to stop it and yet somehow it still is happening. Then on top of that I had another parent that sent me an email DEMANDING that their child's seat be moved immediately in the classroom. When I didn't respond (it had been less than 24 hours), I received a follow-up email from that same parent demanding to know if the matter "had been taken care of."
And IT'S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!
We were lining up for lunch and the assistant principal is standing there. He tells me that he needs to meet with the suspected bullies directly after lunch. I tell him that I'd like him to just talk to my whole class. Before I know it, my eyes are getting watery and he offers to take them down to lunch. I took him up on his offer and went to the back of the classroom and started sobbing. (It was DEFINITELY the ugly cry!) The kids were still in the room lined up for lunch, but I was facing away from them and they were being so loud that they didn't even notice. (This is the first time in six years of teaching that my class has ever brought me to tears.)
They left and I sat back there trying to pull myself together for the first ten or so minutes of my lunch. I reapplied my make up and headed down the hall to the teacher's lounge to try to enjoy the birthday lunch that my coworkers had bought for me. As soon as I walked in, it was apparent that I was upset and the stupid waterworks started up again. My friend Caitlin had even brought me a special snack of Oreo cookies and milk for my birthday! I just sat there and cried while dipping my Oreos. (I laugh now picturing myself doing this.) I was able to pull it back together and pick my kids up from lunch. I had the assistant principal give them a firm talking to and then I gave them a firm talking to myself. They had indoor recess and then we had a silent reading block.
Unbeknownst to me, one of the other fourth grade teachers that had been witness to my cryout during lunch had told her students that I was having a tough day and it was my birthday. Her class decided to spend their whole recess making me cards. Soon after recess, I got a knock at my door and her students came into my classroom in a long line and each individually handed me a card and wished me a happy birthday. It was very sweet and made me start crying happy tears! :) (Seriously, enough with the crying!)
Doug picked me up after work and we went to Morton's for my birthday. He had made reservations, so they had the menu printed with Happy Birthday (unfortunately they got the date wrong on the menu..) The steaks were really good, but a $150 dinner bill always kills me a little on the inside. We went to the mall afterward, so we wouldn't get stuck in traffic and I bought some shoes. It was all really nice and he was a good listener even though I was trying not to dwell on my tough day.
We were driving home when the family birthday calls started coming in. I even cried as Doug's sisters sang "Happy Birthday!" over the phone. I seriously never cry, so I knew something was way off emotionally and figured it had to be some side effects from the Lupron. I decided to put myself to bed as soon as we got home and that did the trick. The next morning I was much better!
Friday in the classroom went much better as well, but that might be because I didn't allow any talking AT ALL. I spoke to them about bullying and showing respect. We will continue the no talking for all of next week and hopefully I will get my classroom back to the friendly and welcoming atmosphere that I like on the 28th when they will get a second chance.
So that was my 28th birthday. I guess it's memorable?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Side Effects
So the hot flashes started last week... I was teaching and I suddenly felt my face get flushed like I was embarrassed. It's not anything severe, but definitely noticeable. They last for only a few seconds and I usually have maybe a dozen or so a day. I don't even know if my face turns red. My students haven't said anything about it, but I've felt like a broken record the last week, so I'm not even sure they're looking at me or into outerspace...
I've also been waking up several times a night. It really pretty impossible to get too warm in my house, seeing that we turn the thermostat down to 60 during the night, but it happens to me several times a night. I've always been freezing cold while I sleep. I used to wear a huge sweatshirt to bed and turn my heater blanket way up. Now, I'm in a T-shirt, my heater blanket is on low, and I usually drink 1-2 full water bottles each night. I see why my doctor said it was a good thing to go through this in the wintertime. :)
The best side effect though, is that I have no pain at all in my right side!
I was a little worried in the beginning that the shot would be ineffective like the birth control was and I would just be wasting more time, but I guess completely shutting down your estrogen shuts down the endometriosis as well. I'm definitely missing my estrogen though. My hair and nails have become really brittle and break easily. Hopefully everything returns to normal whenever this shot wears off.
I still have a ways to go, but these side effects make me feel a little bit more confident that this medicine is working.
I've also been waking up several times a night. It really pretty impossible to get too warm in my house, seeing that we turn the thermostat down to 60 during the night, but it happens to me several times a night. I've always been freezing cold while I sleep. I used to wear a huge sweatshirt to bed and turn my heater blanket way up. Now, I'm in a T-shirt, my heater blanket is on low, and I usually drink 1-2 full water bottles each night. I see why my doctor said it was a good thing to go through this in the wintertime. :)
The best side effect though, is that I have no pain at all in my right side!
I was a little worried in the beginning that the shot would be ineffective like the birth control was and I would just be wasting more time, but I guess completely shutting down your estrogen shuts down the endometriosis as well. I'm definitely missing my estrogen though. My hair and nails have become really brittle and break easily. Hopefully everything returns to normal whenever this shot wears off.
I still have a ways to go, but these side effects make me feel a little bit more confident that this medicine is working.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Lupron
So two weeks ago, I went in to get the DepoLupron shot. Yes, the one that is supposed to put me through a temporary menopause. I was going to get it the Monday before Thanksgiving, but my stupid brain got all hopeful that I got pregnant my ONE whole month off of birth control.
Getting my period feels like serious punishment after all that hope. Especially when it was a whole three days late and I had caved and gotten on the stupid Baby Center due date calculator the night before. (Would've been an August 9th due date if you were wondering.) The first day is pretty terrible both physically and emotionally. Now for those of you that know me outside of my blog, you know I am not one for drama. I don't really cry. I rarely take pain pills and NEVER take sick days. I'm just not one of those high maintenance or emotional gals. The only time I really cry is sometimes when I'm watching TV.
Whenever I researched endometriosis online, everyone wrote on the message boards about how much terrible pain they were in and I always thought Lucky me, I'm glad I don't have THAT type of endometriosis. Well it turns out that my luck is no more. After the month of November when I wasn't on any form of treatment, the first day of my period was pretty terrible. That Saturday I was curled up in bed, crying, and grasping at my right side. "Doctor Doug" made sure that I was comfortable with a heating pad, pain pills, and food when I was up for it. Luckily, the severe pain really only lasts that first day. Throughout the month though, I get these short stabbing pains in my right back side that last anywhere from 2-10 seconds. Sometimes they knock the breath right out of me and I have to stop whatever I am doing. Other times, I just grimace and it is over as quickly as it begun.
So about this shot... As soon as I got my period, I was ready to get it like yesterday. I called up my nurse and they were able to give it to me that Monday right after school. The good news was that they were able to give me the time-release one that is three months worth of medicine in one shot, rather than going in three different times and paying three separate $30 co-pays. With all the research that I did on the darn drug, nothing told me that I was going to get a shot in my hip. Ouch! At the doctor's office when I got into the room, I started pulling up my sleeves when the nurse kindly gave me the bad news that it would need to go in my hip. I decided to stand for it, but I guess I didn't do a good job at relaxing because I was limping around for about 24 hours afterward with some sore muscles.
As far as side effects, I really think I have lucked out. For the first week and a half, I was getting constant canker sores on the inside of my mouth on the gums between my teeth and my lips. It hurt to smile and eat, but I was just thankful that it was inside my mouth and not on my face. (Fourth graders are still learning that it is impolite to ask someone why they have a big ugly sore on their face.) About three or so days in, I felt really depressed, but Doug was out of town (once again) and I was probably just missing him. I don't think I've gotten any hot flashes yet. I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm warm, but I think it's just because I've been turning my heater blanket up too high. I also get noticeably hungry faster, but besides that I'm pretty sure I've just been normal me. The side effect that I am hoping for is for these pains in my right side to go away... and of course, eventually pregnancy.
I'm turning 28 in February. Doug and I will have been married for 7 years this May. I'm really thankful that we've gotten this time to ourselves to work out the kinks and to get to know each other even better. Maybe we needed it? My problem is that I keep on waiting for my life, my REAL one to begin. The one where Doug and I get to have cute family pictures to send in Christmas newsletters, where I get to pick up and drop off kids at practices, where I check over homework and help with ridiculous science fair projects... all that tedious stuff that moms sometimes complain about. I see the little ones in church snuggling up to their mothers, crying mommy when they fall down, holding their hand when they walk. I want it all so bad.
This isn't the life that I thought I would be living, not even close. But it's mine.
Getting my period feels like serious punishment after all that hope. Especially when it was a whole three days late and I had caved and gotten on the stupid Baby Center due date calculator the night before. (Would've been an August 9th due date if you were wondering.) The first day is pretty terrible both physically and emotionally. Now for those of you that know me outside of my blog, you know I am not one for drama. I don't really cry. I rarely take pain pills and NEVER take sick days. I'm just not one of those high maintenance or emotional gals. The only time I really cry is sometimes when I'm watching TV.
Whenever I researched endometriosis online, everyone wrote on the message boards about how much terrible pain they were in and I always thought Lucky me, I'm glad I don't have THAT type of endometriosis. Well it turns out that my luck is no more. After the month of November when I wasn't on any form of treatment, the first day of my period was pretty terrible. That Saturday I was curled up in bed, crying, and grasping at my right side. "Doctor Doug" made sure that I was comfortable with a heating pad, pain pills, and food when I was up for it. Luckily, the severe pain really only lasts that first day. Throughout the month though, I get these short stabbing pains in my right back side that last anywhere from 2-10 seconds. Sometimes they knock the breath right out of me and I have to stop whatever I am doing. Other times, I just grimace and it is over as quickly as it begun.
So about this shot... As soon as I got my period, I was ready to get it like yesterday. I called up my nurse and they were able to give it to me that Monday right after school. The good news was that they were able to give me the time-release one that is three months worth of medicine in one shot, rather than going in three different times and paying three separate $30 co-pays. With all the research that I did on the darn drug, nothing told me that I was going to get a shot in my hip. Ouch! At the doctor's office when I got into the room, I started pulling up my sleeves when the nurse kindly gave me the bad news that it would need to go in my hip. I decided to stand for it, but I guess I didn't do a good job at relaxing because I was limping around for about 24 hours afterward with some sore muscles.
As far as side effects, I really think I have lucked out. For the first week and a half, I was getting constant canker sores on the inside of my mouth on the gums between my teeth and my lips. It hurt to smile and eat, but I was just thankful that it was inside my mouth and not on my face. (Fourth graders are still learning that it is impolite to ask someone why they have a big ugly sore on their face.) About three or so days in, I felt really depressed, but Doug was out of town (once again) and I was probably just missing him. I don't think I've gotten any hot flashes yet. I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm warm, but I think it's just because I've been turning my heater blanket up too high. I also get noticeably hungry faster, but besides that I'm pretty sure I've just been normal me. The side effect that I am hoping for is for these pains in my right side to go away... and of course, eventually pregnancy.
I'm turning 28 in February. Doug and I will have been married for 7 years this May. I'm really thankful that we've gotten this time to ourselves to work out the kinks and to get to know each other even better. Maybe we needed it? My problem is that I keep on waiting for my life, my REAL one to begin. The one where Doug and I get to have cute family pictures to send in Christmas newsletters, where I get to pick up and drop off kids at practices, where I check over homework and help with ridiculous science fair projects... all that tedious stuff that moms sometimes complain about. I see the little ones in church snuggling up to their mothers, crying mommy when they fall down, holding their hand when they walk. I want it all so bad.
This isn't the life that I thought I would be living, not even close. But it's mine.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The "M" Word
It's been about three weeks since I've turned on my desktop computer. Right now it's on because I'm updating my iPad. I'm hoping the new update will allow me to post on blogger.
Anyway, I guess I'll update you on my life while my iPad is updating.
School is going well. My kids are starting to get along and I have really great parent support this year. I had a student that never showed up and a student that moved, so I'm down to 25 students, WO HOO!! Shhh! Don't tell anyone at my school. I'm pretty sure it's a whole two students lower than any of the other fourth grade classrooms. I guess that just means I'll get the first new student, but I'll just count myself lucky for now.
On the health/getting pregnant front... Well things are not what I wanted them to be. On Halloween, I finished the last of the birth control prescription that my doctor put me on a few months ago to treat the endometriosis. I got an ultrasound a week ago to check on everything and yesterday I had an appointment scheduled to discuss it all. I was pretty excited for my appointment because I figured my doctor would be giving me the thumbs up for trying to get pregnant. I was already dreaming of a late summer/early fall due date. Silly me.
Well, I get in there and it turns out that my ultrasound was not good. They're not exactly sure, but it looks like I still have an endometrioma on my right ovary that looks to be about 3 centimeters. That's a lot better than the 10 centimeters that it was pre-surgery, but I'm pretty sure they were hoping for 0 centimeters. The birth control I was on for three straight months didn't do what it was supposed to do. Time wasted. Now that I'm off birth control, things are untreated and it will just get worse every month.
I'm sitting there trying to figure out what all of this means. Then my doctor asks me,
"Well it all depends on if you want a baby now or later?"
Tears are starting to form and I'm trying so hard to keep everything together. "YES, I want a baby now. I've been going through this now for over two years. I want a baby yesterday."
She looks at me with a sad face and hands me a tissue. Then, she turns over a piece of paper and starts making a little t-chart. On the top of the t-chart are two headings "Baby Now" and "Baby Later." She starts with the "Baby Later" side...
Option 1: There's a drug called Depo Lupron. Its kind of like the Depo-Provera shot that women get for birth control except basically the exact opposite. Depo makes a woman's body believe that she is pregnant by mimicking hormones that the placenta releases during pregnancy. Lupron would make me go through a temporary MENOPAUSE, with hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings... all that fun stuff. The treatment would take about 2-3 months depending on it's effectiveness, and THEN she'd put me on Clomid (a fertility drug) and we'd try to get pregnant right away. She said that this medicine is very effective and that the endometrioma would go away. Great... another 3 months of waiting...
Option 2: Now to the "Baby Now" side which I was hoping would be a lot better. She basically said that we COULD try now, but she's not sure if I could even get pregnant. When the endometriosis is bad, I can't get pregnant. She doesn't know how bad it is right now. You can't see endometriosis with an ultrasound. The risks are not good. There's a chance that the endometrioma could grow back again without treatment and I would be in the operating room again in a few months. If we do this option, I will need to be closely monitored with ultrasounds 1-2 times monthly.
Decisions, decisions...
I talked to Doug about it when I got home. Even though he was very weary of the Lupron, he didn't even hesitate to go with the "Baby Later" side. He is first and foremost concerned about my health. Ugh, figures! It turns out my problem is that I want a baby more than I don't want to have surgery again. The Depo Lupron seems pretty extreme (and scary) to both of us, but we want to make SURE that there is an endometrioma in there before I start taking it.
Right now, we're just going to try to get a better idea of things. My doctor is having me schedule an MRI so she can get a better look at everything and we're going to do another ultrasound in about a week. The problem is that they can't tell what is my ovary and what is the endometrioma. Hopefully the MRI will clear up that up.
I'm praying right now that what they THINK is an endometrioma is just my ovary looking nice and plump and ready to make a baby.
Anyway, I guess I'll update you on my life while my iPad is updating.
School is going well. My kids are starting to get along and I have really great parent support this year. I had a student that never showed up and a student that moved, so I'm down to 25 students, WO HOO!! Shhh! Don't tell anyone at my school. I'm pretty sure it's a whole two students lower than any of the other fourth grade classrooms. I guess that just means I'll get the first new student, but I'll just count myself lucky for now.
On the health/getting pregnant front... Well things are not what I wanted them to be. On Halloween, I finished the last of the birth control prescription that my doctor put me on a few months ago to treat the endometriosis. I got an ultrasound a week ago to check on everything and yesterday I had an appointment scheduled to discuss it all. I was pretty excited for my appointment because I figured my doctor would be giving me the thumbs up for trying to get pregnant. I was already dreaming of a late summer/early fall due date. Silly me.
Well, I get in there and it turns out that my ultrasound was not good. They're not exactly sure, but it looks like I still have an endometrioma on my right ovary that looks to be about 3 centimeters. That's a lot better than the 10 centimeters that it was pre-surgery, but I'm pretty sure they were hoping for 0 centimeters. The birth control I was on for three straight months didn't do what it was supposed to do. Time wasted. Now that I'm off birth control, things are untreated and it will just get worse every month.
I'm sitting there trying to figure out what all of this means. Then my doctor asks me,
"Well it all depends on if you want a baby now or later?"
Tears are starting to form and I'm trying so hard to keep everything together. "YES, I want a baby now. I've been going through this now for over two years. I want a baby yesterday."
She looks at me with a sad face and hands me a tissue. Then, she turns over a piece of paper and starts making a little t-chart. On the top of the t-chart are two headings "Baby Now" and "Baby Later." She starts with the "Baby Later" side...
Option 1: There's a drug called Depo Lupron. Its kind of like the Depo-Provera shot that women get for birth control except basically the exact opposite. Depo makes a woman's body believe that she is pregnant by mimicking hormones that the placenta releases during pregnancy. Lupron would make me go through a temporary MENOPAUSE, with hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings... all that fun stuff. The treatment would take about 2-3 months depending on it's effectiveness, and THEN she'd put me on Clomid (a fertility drug) and we'd try to get pregnant right away. She said that this medicine is very effective and that the endometrioma would go away. Great... another 3 months of waiting...
Option 2: Now to the "Baby Now" side which I was hoping would be a lot better. She basically said that we COULD try now, but she's not sure if I could even get pregnant. When the endometriosis is bad, I can't get pregnant. She doesn't know how bad it is right now. You can't see endometriosis with an ultrasound. The risks are not good. There's a chance that the endometrioma could grow back again without treatment and I would be in the operating room again in a few months. If we do this option, I will need to be closely monitored with ultrasounds 1-2 times monthly.
Decisions, decisions...
I talked to Doug about it when I got home. Even though he was very weary of the Lupron, he didn't even hesitate to go with the "Baby Later" side. He is first and foremost concerned about my health. Ugh, figures! It turns out my problem is that I want a baby more than I don't want to have surgery again. The Depo Lupron seems pretty extreme (and scary) to both of us, but we want to make SURE that there is an endometrioma in there before I start taking it.
Right now, we're just going to try to get a better idea of things. My doctor is having me schedule an MRI so she can get a better look at everything and we're going to do another ultrasound in about a week. The problem is that they can't tell what is my ovary and what is the endometrioma. Hopefully the MRI will clear up that up.
I'm praying right now that what they THINK is an endometrioma is just my ovary looking nice and plump and ready to make a baby.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Post Op Appointment
I went to my post-op appointment today. My doctor was very impressed with my quick healing and said that I could gradually return to exercising (but no ab workouts... understandably). The incisions were pretty small and I don't think the scars will be bad, not that I'm really that concerned.
I actually think it's pretty weird that I'm posting a picture of my abdomen, but I figured that I took the picture, so I might as well put it somewhere. I added the arrows because the incisions really are that small.
At the appointment, my doctor showed me pictures that she took during the surgery that showed the endometriosis. It looks like tiny specks, some dark and some clear, on my insides. She said that she could tell that I have had endometriosis for a long time and was really surprised that I hadn't complained about it to my OBGYN before because apparently it's pretty painful. Endometriosis, like cancer has stages. If it hadn't been for the endometrioma, she would have said by the looks of it that I was a "Stage 1," but she puts me at a "Stage 2" because of it. She told me about a patient of hers that had stage 4 Endometriosis and still was able to get pregnant, but it was through IVF, so there is definitely hope for me at only a stage 1-2.
I had a lot of questions about the Clomid and whether or not it caused my insides to go crazy and produce this gigantor chocolate cyst inside of me. My doctor told me that the size of it was way too big to have just started when I took the Clomid. She said that it was probably in the works for at least a year. She was actually surprised that I hadn't reported feeling pain earlier.
The very good news is that she was able to tell me pretty definitively that this was why I was not getting pregnant. Whew! Once we take care of it then things should start working as they are designed to. The short term treatment is actually birth control, which is weird, but after a lesson on the body's hormones, I am a believer. I've never actually taken birth control pills, so I am pretty enamored with the cool little case that they come in. I'll be taking them for a little while, but I am pretty excited because an end (or a I guess a beginning) is in sight.
One random thing that made me happy was realizing my doctor (who I absolutely love) is totallyOCD detail-oriented like myself. While she was typing my follow-up and patient instructions during the appointment, she told me that she hated Times New Roman (me too!). She went back and made sure that everything in the instructions was the same font and the same size. I have also noticed that my incisions from the surgery are symmetrical. I thought this was standard practice, but after looking at some photos online, I found out that it's not. SO thankful for a doctor that makes me symmetrical AND is a font snob. :)
I've never really connected with a doctor before, but then again I haven't really gone to the doctor regularly at any time in my life. I have really connected with my doctor and nurses this time. As I walked into the office, all of the nurses and my doctor knew my first name. They told me how they were very pleased with my surgery results and how my doctor had talked with them about it.
As I left this time, my nurse expressed optimism that the next time she saw me I would be pregnant. My doctor said that my little sister, Kate, who she met before my surgery might as well start calling herself an aunt because she is just that sure that she can help get me pregnant! :)
 |
| Teeny Tiny Incisions |
At the appointment, my doctor showed me pictures that she took during the surgery that showed the endometriosis. It looks like tiny specks, some dark and some clear, on my insides. She said that she could tell that I have had endometriosis for a long time and was really surprised that I hadn't complained about it to my OBGYN before because apparently it's pretty painful. Endometriosis, like cancer has stages. If it hadn't been for the endometrioma, she would have said by the looks of it that I was a "Stage 1," but she puts me at a "Stage 2" because of it. She told me about a patient of hers that had stage 4 Endometriosis and still was able to get pregnant, but it was through IVF, so there is definitely hope for me at only a stage 1-2.
 |
| Cool little purple case! |
The very good news is that she was able to tell me pretty definitively that this was why I was not getting pregnant. Whew! Once we take care of it then things should start working as they are designed to. The short term treatment is actually birth control, which is weird, but after a lesson on the body's hormones, I am a believer. I've never actually taken birth control pills, so I am pretty enamored with the cool little case that they come in. I'll be taking them for a little while, but I am pretty excited because an end (or a I guess a beginning) is in sight.
One random thing that made me happy was realizing my doctor (who I absolutely love) is totally
I've never really connected with a doctor before, but then again I haven't really gone to the doctor regularly at any time in my life. I have really connected with my doctor and nurses this time. As I walked into the office, all of the nurses and my doctor knew my first name. They told me how they were very pleased with my surgery results and how my doctor had talked with them about it.
As I left this time, my nurse expressed optimism that the next time she saw me I would be pregnant. My doctor said that my little sister, Kate, who she met before my surgery might as well start calling herself an aunt because she is just that sure that she can help get me pregnant! :)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A Week of Recovery
So... recovery has been a roller coaster ride, but MUCH MUCH MUCH less exciting than an actual roller coaster ride. I guess I should just say that there have definitely been good days and bad days. The morning after surgery was one of my better good days, so I'm glad I was able to update you all so quickly afterward.
Tuesday was basically a blur. I mostly remember writing my blog post and then posting it on Facebook. Then, I remember sleeping A LOT. And that is really all. :)
On Wednesday, my good friend Caitlin picked me up and let me join her for her errands of the day so I wouldn't be stuck at home. She even brought me chocolate milk in the morning! She made me feel like I was helping her move into her new house when in reality, I was probably sitting on her couch drooling while she moved and packed boxes. Well, maybe not that bad, but I was pretty out of it. My BRAND NEW visiting teaching companion from church who JUST moved into the ward made me the dinner to the right on Wednesday. It was beautiful! I seriously started crying in the middle of the prayer while blessing the food. I can't believe that she barely knows me and was willing to cook up quite the meal for Doug and I!
On Thursday, I got to go to a meeting at work to help with making the master schedule for all of the teachers in the building. I woke up feeling pretty awful that morning, but I was determined to go. I had been wanting to help with the scheduling since I started working there, so I was going drugged or not. My friend Caitlin was my designated driver once again. Surprisingly, I was able to help, not by actually creating the schedule, but by putting it into an organized, clear, and easy-to-read format that was colored-coded. I was worried for a while that everyone there was just trying to make me FEEL like I was being helpful when I was really just sitting there playing and color-coding things on the computer in la-la land. Haha! :) My little chart ACTUALLY did end up helping and was able to keep teachers from getting doubled booked or having weird 15 minute breaks in between specialty classes. I LOVE using Microsoft Word to create tables and organize information. I know that this is probably a weird talent, but it really does come in handy. I think I only slightly offended one person by my drugged behavior, but I'm pretty sure others at the meeting found it rather entertaining. It turns out I'm still an anal perfectionist on drugs. :)
On Friday, Doug and I went to the new Cobb movie theater nearby and watched the movie, Captain America. We both really enjoyed it. As we were leaving the theater, there was this group of boys that were horsing around right in front of us on the sidewalk. I smiled a little and the dad that was supervising the group of boys started to turn around and apologize, but then said, "Hey, I thought you looked familiar! It's Mrs. S-! THIS is how they act when you're NOT around. I'm sure you had to have had one of these troublemakers in your class this last school year." One of the boys turned around and smiled and ran up to me giving me a big hug. I hugged him back and (hopefully) smiled, but to my horror I had NO CLUE what the kid's name was... only that he looked vaguely familiar. He ran back to his friends to continue horsing around and we waved goodbye to the group and continued on our way.
I then had a FREAK OUT moment. One thing you need to know about me as a teacher is that I love my students as if they were my own children. I DO NOT FORGET NAMES!!! I stood there and dug through my brain trying to remember his name... even one name. I couldn't remember a single name of a single student that I had taught EVER. In fact I couldn't remember a single thing from teaching except that I knew I was a teacher. I took out my iPad and started searching my address book that had my parent list from this past year. Luckily I found it quickly and it all started to come back. I had been feeling okay at the theater, but I really hadn't realized what an impact the Percocet had been having on me.
Even as I write this blog post about my last week it's weird to think that it hasn't been that long since I last posted. The thing that I noticed the most about being on the Percocet is that it really messed with my sense of time. It seriously feels like I had surgery FOREVER ago. When I was with my friend on Wednesday, only two days after my surgery I remember telling her to let me do stuff because I needed to heal SOMETIME. She kept on reminding me, "Jen, you JUST had surgery!" I still feel really frustrated that I'm not better yet because it feels like so much time has passed.
One thing I've learned from this whole experience is that I HATE narcotic painkillers. I took what I hope was my last dose Saturday evening. I still have more than half the prescription left, but I seriously don't want to take even one more pill. The last pill I took on Saturday made me really nauseous. It's a good thing I still had a plastic baggy in my purse from the hospital or I would have been cleaning puke out of my car.
I told Doug last night that I was feeling 65% of the way there. By teacher standards, that's still a D, but it's more than halfway to the 100% mark. I can't wait to feel good again!
Illness and injury sure do make you feel grateful for the times when you're healthy.
Tuesday was basically a blur. I mostly remember writing my blog post and then posting it on Facebook. Then, I remember sleeping A LOT. And that is really all. :)
 |
| Yummy home-cooked meal |
 |
| Yay for color-coded schedules! |
On Friday, Doug and I went to the new Cobb movie theater nearby and watched the movie, Captain America. We both really enjoyed it. As we were leaving the theater, there was this group of boys that were horsing around right in front of us on the sidewalk. I smiled a little and the dad that was supervising the group of boys started to turn around and apologize, but then said, "Hey, I thought you looked familiar! It's Mrs. S-! THIS is how they act when you're NOT around. I'm sure you had to have had one of these troublemakers in your class this last school year." One of the boys turned around and smiled and ran up to me giving me a big hug. I hugged him back and (hopefully) smiled, but to my horror I had NO CLUE what the kid's name was... only that he looked vaguely familiar. He ran back to his friends to continue horsing around and we waved goodbye to the group and continued on our way.
I then had a FREAK OUT moment. One thing you need to know about me as a teacher is that I love my students as if they were my own children. I DO NOT FORGET NAMES!!! I stood there and dug through my brain trying to remember his name... even one name. I couldn't remember a single name of a single student that I had taught EVER. In fact I couldn't remember a single thing from teaching except that I knew I was a teacher. I took out my iPad and started searching my address book that had my parent list from this past year. Luckily I found it quickly and it all started to come back. I had been feeling okay at the theater, but I really hadn't realized what an impact the Percocet had been having on me.
Even as I write this blog post about my last week it's weird to think that it hasn't been that long since I last posted. The thing that I noticed the most about being on the Percocet is that it really messed with my sense of time. It seriously feels like I had surgery FOREVER ago. When I was with my friend on Wednesday, only two days after my surgery I remember telling her to let me do stuff because I needed to heal SOMETIME. She kept on reminding me, "Jen, you JUST had surgery!" I still feel really frustrated that I'm not better yet because it feels like so much time has passed.
One thing I've learned from this whole experience is that I HATE narcotic painkillers. I took what I hope was my last dose Saturday evening. I still have more than half the prescription left, but I seriously don't want to take even one more pill. The last pill I took on Saturday made me really nauseous. It's a good thing I still had a plastic baggy in my purse from the hospital or I would have been cleaning puke out of my car.
I told Doug last night that I was feeling 65% of the way there. By teacher standards, that's still a D, but it's more than halfway to the 100% mark. I can't wait to feel good again!
Illness and injury sure do make you feel grateful for the times when you're healthy.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I'm Alive!
First off, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. This was a pretty scary experience for me and it was comforting to know that I had so much support from friends and family. You'll also have to forgive me of the typos that will exist throughout this post because I am on Percocet.
As you can probably tell by me updating my blog, I am doing well. I'm pretty dang sore and I'm walking around like a grandma lady, but I made it! I seriously never thought that I would be so happy to find out that I have endometriosis. Yep, that's right! NO CANCER!!
So now that you know the news, you don't have to read the rest, but you can if you like. My bonky brain never remembers anything so I need to record it all.
Yesterday morning, I woke up at 5am with Doug and couldn't get back to bed. I gave him like 5 billion hugs and kisses and just watched him drive his car down our street. After he was gone, I was in complete busy-body mode. I made sure that his lunches were packed for this week, that all laundry was done and put away, and that my house was somewhat presentable in case someone would be coming to help. I didn't know how I would feel after my surgery and I wanted to make sure that everything was ready. I had actually stopped taking my pain medication on Saturday because I hated the way it made my brain feel and the pain had subsided somewhat on my right side. I was rather productive.
Kate took me to the hospital. The hospital has valet parking at the entrance we were going to, so it was nice to not have to walk far. She was really concerned trading in the keys to my dad's car for a little piece of paper. We got there more than 30 minutes early, so I was really surprised to wait less than 5 minutes before they had me registered and wearing a bracelet. I sure do love souvenirs! :)
When I showed up at the next desk, they looked at my paperwork and had us sit down. I thought that we were going to be there for a while, but before even 5 minutes had passed, they were already calling me back. I kind of felt bad for Kate because she brought a bunch of stuff to keep herself busy during my surgery and just as she got comfortable they would move us to another room and she would have to gather all of her things again.
So, I got into a hospital gown (Those things sure are airy!) and socks. It took me forever to get into it because I couldn't figure out all of the ties in the back and I was trying hard not to moon anyone. I had just barely gotten into my gown and was sitting on my bed talking to Kate when DOUG SHOWED UP!!!!! Doug had just changed jobs and had zero days of sick leave or vacation, but they let him leave early because he had been working a lot of overtime. I wasn't sure if I was going to see him at all.
So funny side story... when Doug got there they had a hard time locating me. The nurse was bringing him around and after checking different numbers she said, "Here's your wife!" and flung open a curtain that had a big black woman behind it. Doug was kind of like, "Um, that's not my wife." So they continued to walk around and he finally spotted my purse underneath the curtain and was able to join Kate and I.
Doug had to leave the room not too long afterward because they had to put in my IV. (He seriously almost passed out in the hallway just listening to us talk about it through the curtain.) The nurse started having me pump my fist to show her a vein for the IV. I have had two IV's before. The first one was when I got my wisdom teeth out and that was on my left arm in the crook of my elbow. The second IV, I had just gotten with my MRI on Friday in the crook of my right elbow. I assumed it would be in one of those two places, but the nurse gave me the bad news that they would be moving me around a lot during my surgery and that it would need to be in my hand. She told me that I had a great vein and used a little needle to numb the surface, then she put in the IV. It wasn't bad at all. Something I learned through this whole experience is that there is actually no needle in an IV. I had been scared to move my arm, but my nurse showed me that the needle was only being used to put this long thin tube in my vein. Weird!
We waited around for a while and Kate and I watched some little show on her iPad that was making us laugh pretty hard. (I really needed it!) Doug made me a turkey out of a blown up glove that I could hold onto. I met and talked to my anesthesiologist and signed more papers. The anesthesiologist turned up the drip on my IV because she was worried about me being hydrated enough. It made my arm really cold, so they got me more heated blankets.
Finally, my doctor came in and talked to Doug, Kate, and I. My final MRI reports had come back and they showed that my body was reacting very badly to whatever the growth was and that she very glad it was coming out today. She still was hoping for a chocolate cyst, but told me that an oncologist surgeon would be next door just in case the surgery got tough. I was pretty scared that I actually had cancer whenever she started talking about how my insides were reacting. I remember picking at my gown nervously the whole time she was talking.
Not too long after, the anesthesiologist nurse came and gave me my first dose of the good stuff. They said that I wouldn't remember anything, but I'm pretty sure I remember most of it. I remember when I could first feel it kicking in and I remember them putting up the sides of my bed. They wheeled me into the operating room and there were a lot of different instruments everywhere with bright lights and lots of people.
The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery. My doctor gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me that she was able to keep both of my ovaries and that it was endometriosis. For the next while I remember drifting in and out and being in A LOT of pain. My mouth was really dry, my throat was sore because they had needed to put a tube in it, and my abdomen just felt awful. A nurse asked me if I wanted ice chips, but I told her I didn't.
I woke up again I don't know how much later and decided that I really needed ice chips. My nurse had left and I was saying as loud as I could, "Please, ice chips" over and over until someone came over and checked my chart and gave me some. Once again, I'm not sure of the time frame. They wheeled me into the last recovery room and let Doug in. I started crying as soon as I saw him. He said to the nurse, "Uh oh, I made her cry maybe I shouldn't be here." But I told him I was crying because I was happy he was here. I was feeling pretty nauseous from the anesthesia so they gave me some stuff in my IV to help.
I have to admit I was probably not a very nice person in this recovery room. They gave me one Percocet and the nurse asked me how much I hurt on a scale from 1-10. I told her a 7 and half. I kept on telling her that the medicine wasn't working and that when my dad took medicine it didn't work for him either. She told me that it probably didn't have enough time to kick in yet, but after I was still in a lot of pain, she gave another one. I kept on apologizing saying that I was sorry I was being so mean and that I really was a nice person. I kept on telling Doug, "I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. It hurts so much. I never want to get surgery again." He told me that this is what they needed to do so I could have babies. He said it was the first time I smiled.
Doug gave me my phone and I'm pretty sure I texted a few people. My doctor came back and talked to Doug outside of my room. She then came back and said, "Who has TWO ovaries?!" with her fingers up and a big smile on her face. She said, "YOU DO!" and started doing a little dance. My doctor said that removing the cyst was very challenging, but it was like peeling an onion. Doug was very impressed with her (He is not easily impressed.) and said that she was a very skilled surgeon. She showed me a picture of the surgery, but told me that she would talk to me about it more in depth at our post op appointment when I would remember better. She told me that I had probably had endometriosis for a long time and that there were a lot of little specks in my abdominal cavity. Doug said it was mostly on my kidney. My doctor also told me that I apparently have some killer stomach muscles that were getting in the way and she had to have two different nurses holding them back the whole time because they were so tight. She said that she was glad I didn't work out more. :)
Doug said that the surgery took 2 hours (only a half an hour longer than they were anticipating). I was in a recovery room for two hours where they would not let him see me and then I was in my last room with him for another two hours before they wheeled me out to our car. Unfortunately, Doug left my iPad at the hospital, so hopefully he remembers to pick it up today after work. He took me straight home and we called some family members through the blue tooth on his car. I also remember talking to my sister on the phone at home.
Getting up and down is quite the pain, but I got used to it last night when I had to get up about 8 different times to pee. Besides a lot of random bruising on my body and three band-aids on my abdomen, I think I am recovering just fine. I will be hanging out here at home for the next week or so thanking my lucky stars that I don't have cancer.
As you can probably tell by me updating my blog, I am doing well. I'm pretty dang sore and I'm walking around like a grandma lady, but I made it! I seriously never thought that I would be so happy to find out that I have endometriosis. Yep, that's right! NO CANCER!!
So now that you know the news, you don't have to read the rest, but you can if you like. My bonky brain never remembers anything so I need to record it all.
Yesterday morning, I woke up at 5am with Doug and couldn't get back to bed. I gave him like 5 billion hugs and kisses and just watched him drive his car down our street. After he was gone, I was in complete busy-body mode. I made sure that his lunches were packed for this week, that all laundry was done and put away, and that my house was somewhat presentable in case someone would be coming to help. I didn't know how I would feel after my surgery and I wanted to make sure that everything was ready. I had actually stopped taking my pain medication on Saturday because I hated the way it made my brain feel and the pain had subsided somewhat on my right side. I was rather productive.
 |
| First picture once I finally got in the gown. |
When I showed up at the next desk, they looked at my paperwork and had us sit down. I thought that we were going to be there for a while, but before even 5 minutes had passed, they were already calling me back. I kind of felt bad for Kate because she brought a bunch of stuff to keep herself busy during my surgery and just as she got comfortable they would move us to another room and she would have to gather all of her things again.
So, I got into a hospital gown (Those things sure are airy!) and socks. It took me forever to get into it because I couldn't figure out all of the ties in the back and I was trying hard not to moon anyone. I had just barely gotten into my gown and was sitting on my bed talking to Kate when DOUG SHOWED UP!!!!! Doug had just changed jobs and had zero days of sick leave or vacation, but they let him leave early because he had been working a lot of overtime. I wasn't sure if I was going to see him at all.
So funny side story... when Doug got there they had a hard time locating me. The nurse was bringing him around and after checking different numbers she said, "Here's your wife!" and flung open a curtain that had a big black woman behind it. Doug was kind of like, "Um, that's not my wife." So they continued to walk around and he finally spotted my purse underneath the curtain and was able to join Kate and I.
 |
| My IV |
We waited around for a while and Kate and I watched some little show on her iPad that was making us laugh pretty hard. (I really needed it!) Doug made me a turkey out of a blown up glove that I could hold onto. I met and talked to my anesthesiologist and signed more papers. The anesthesiologist turned up the drip on my IV because she was worried about me being hydrated enough. It made my arm really cold, so they got me more heated blankets.
 |
| Me with my blown-up turkey glove before surgery. |
Not too long after, the anesthesiologist nurse came and gave me my first dose of the good stuff. They said that I wouldn't remember anything, but I'm pretty sure I remember most of it. I remember when I could first feel it kicking in and I remember them putting up the sides of my bed. They wheeled me into the operating room and there were a lot of different instruments everywhere with bright lights and lots of people.
The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery. My doctor gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me that she was able to keep both of my ovaries and that it was endometriosis. For the next while I remember drifting in and out and being in A LOT of pain. My mouth was really dry, my throat was sore because they had needed to put a tube in it, and my abdomen just felt awful. A nurse asked me if I wanted ice chips, but I told her I didn't.
I woke up again I don't know how much later and decided that I really needed ice chips. My nurse had left and I was saying as loud as I could, "Please, ice chips" over and over until someone came over and checked my chart and gave me some. Once again, I'm not sure of the time frame. They wheeled me into the last recovery room and let Doug in. I started crying as soon as I saw him. He said to the nurse, "Uh oh, I made her cry maybe I shouldn't be here." But I told him I was crying because I was happy he was here. I was feeling pretty nauseous from the anesthesia so they gave me some stuff in my IV to help.
 |
| This picture was taken AFTER my color was better. |
Doug gave me my phone and I'm pretty sure I texted a few people. My doctor came back and talked to Doug outside of my room. She then came back and said, "Who has TWO ovaries?!" with her fingers up and a big smile on her face. She said, "YOU DO!" and started doing a little dance. My doctor said that removing the cyst was very challenging, but it was like peeling an onion. Doug was very impressed with her (He is not easily impressed.) and said that she was a very skilled surgeon. She showed me a picture of the surgery, but told me that she would talk to me about it more in depth at our post op appointment when I would remember better. She told me that I had probably had endometriosis for a long time and that there were a lot of little specks in my abdominal cavity. Doug said it was mostly on my kidney. My doctor also told me that I apparently have some killer stomach muscles that were getting in the way and she had to have two different nurses holding them back the whole time because they were so tight. She said that she was glad I didn't work out more. :)
Doug said that the surgery took 2 hours (only a half an hour longer than they were anticipating). I was in a recovery room for two hours where they would not let him see me and then I was in my last room with him for another two hours before they wheeled me out to our car. Unfortunately, Doug left my iPad at the hospital, so hopefully he remembers to pick it up today after work. He took me straight home and we called some family members through the blue tooth on his car. I also remember talking to my sister on the phone at home.
Getting up and down is quite the pain, but I got used to it last night when I had to get up about 8 different times to pee. Besides a lot of random bruising on my body and three band-aids on my abdomen, I think I am recovering just fine. I will be hanging out here at home for the next week or so thanking my lucky stars that I don't have cancer.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Day Before Surgery
Last night Doug and I went to my parents' place for dinner. I finally watched the first part of the big Harry Potter movie, so I
will understand what is going on when I go to see the last one. We celebrated Shelly's 17th birthday. Her actual birthday will be on the day of my surgery. (Way to ruin all the fun, Jenny!)
It was admittedly a lot less eventful than her 15th birthday when we had the cops called on us. This year, we had a full house with Heather and her four kids from Virginia Beach, my parents and their two kids still at home, plus Liza from college, plus Doug and I. My dad smoked some really tasty ribs. After all of the birthday festivities, Doug and my dad gave me a blessing to help prepare me for my surgery. I guess I'm ready now.
This morning I started my liquid diet. My doctor had me drink this stuff called Magnesium Citrate. Drinking it was pretty terrible as well as the after effects which I will spare you. I started with water this morning and graduated to chicken broth. I actually like the broth a lot. I went ahead and ate JELLO for lunch. Hopefully that is not forbidden. I never thought I would be so excited to eat JELLO! :)
Doctor told me to skip church today because of the unpleasant after effects of the magnesium citrate. I'm really bored and I can't really do much, so I'm trying to stay busy by leaving you all with an update.
My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 1:30pm. I check at 11:30am to get registered and everything. Kate will be driving me, so hopefully we actually make it to the hospital. Haha... Sorry Kate, but you need to start using your blinkers!
Next time you hear from me, I'll have a few new scars. :)
 |
| Shelly getting ready to blow out her candles. |
It was admittedly a lot less eventful than her 15th birthday when we had the cops called on us. This year, we had a full house with Heather and her four kids from Virginia Beach, my parents and their two kids still at home, plus Liza from college, plus Doug and I. My dad smoked some really tasty ribs. After all of the birthday festivities, Doug and my dad gave me a blessing to help prepare me for my surgery. I guess I'm ready now.
 |
| My diet until midnight tonight. |
Doctor told me to skip church today because of the unpleasant after effects of the magnesium citrate. I'm really bored and I can't really do much, so I'm trying to stay busy by leaving you all with an update.
My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 1:30pm. I check at 11:30am to get registered and everything. Kate will be driving me, so hopefully we actually make it to the hospital. Haha... Sorry Kate, but you need to start using your blinkers!
Next time you hear from me, I'll have a few new scars. :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Pre-Op Appointments
So today I had a few doctors appointments to get ready for the big day on Monday. I haven't been able to drive because of my pain meds, so my sister Heather who is in town from Virginia Beach, was my DD (designated driver) today.
First stop this morning was to get an MRI done of my abdominal area for better picture of "Goliath." Right now it's measuring at about 8 cm by 6 cm (a little bigger than the size of a kiwi fruit). A standard ovary is usually the size of an olive. The strip of pictures below are from my MRI. I asked for a picture and they gave me a CD full of them. Of course, I don't really know how to read these, but my doctor went over them with me a little. Everything in these images is flipped, but you can see "Goliath" in most of these. It's the big white thing. You can also see my poor left ovary and how tiny in comparison it is.
Back in high school, I got an MRI because I was complaining of shin splints. I'm not sure why I even got one because they just told me to stop marching so much. Anyways, that was not bad at all. They strapped my leg down, gave me ear plugs and I just sort of hung out for a while while the machine did its banging thing.
Today was completely different. I had to change into hospital clothes and get an IV put in. When I got on the table, they had me lift my arms above my head and put a cage over my abdomen. I got ear plugs and they covered me with a blanket to keep me warm. The table started sliding into the machine and then it stopped so the lower half of my body was in the really narrow part and my head was in the less narrow part. I thought, "Oh this won't be bad." I assumed that I was going to stay this far in because it wasn't like my head was getting scanned.
Then I started sliding in further until my head was in and THEN my elbows which were sticking up slightly because the arms were above my head were scraping on the top of the machine. I had to close my eyes because I had a little freak out moment. I'm not even claustrophobic. The top of the machine was only about 4-6 inches away from my face and my elbows were uncomfortably touching the top of the machine. No part of my body was outside of this narrow tube. I was instructed to stay this way without moving for...
First stop this morning was to get an MRI done of my abdominal area for better picture of "Goliath." Right now it's measuring at about 8 cm by 6 cm (a little bigger than the size of a kiwi fruit). A standard ovary is usually the size of an olive. The strip of pictures below are from my MRI. I asked for a picture and they gave me a CD full of them. Of course, I don't really know how to read these, but my doctor went over them with me a little. Everything in these images is flipped, but you can see "Goliath" in most of these. It's the big white thing. You can also see my poor left ovary and how tiny in comparison it is.
Back in high school, I got an MRI because I was complaining of shin splints. I'm not sure why I even got one because they just told me to stop marching so much. Anyways, that was not bad at all. They strapped my leg down, gave me ear plugs and I just sort of hung out for a while while the machine did its banging thing.
Today was completely different. I had to change into hospital clothes and get an IV put in. When I got on the table, they had me lift my arms above my head and put a cage over my abdomen. I got ear plugs and they covered me with a blanket to keep me warm. The table started sliding into the machine and then it stopped so the lower half of my body was in the really narrow part and my head was in the less narrow part. I thought, "Oh this won't be bad." I assumed that I was going to stay this far in because it wasn't like my head was getting scanned.
Then I started sliding in further until my head was in and THEN my elbows which were sticking up slightly because the arms were above my head were scraping on the top of the machine. I had to close my eyes because I had a little freak out moment. I'm not even claustrophobic. The top of the machine was only about 4-6 inches away from my face and my elbows were uncomfortably touching the top of the machine. No part of my body was outside of this narrow tube. I was instructed to stay this way without moving for...
25 minutes!!!
I don't think I had mentally prepared myself for this. I really figured that my head wouldn't have to go inside because it wasn't getting scanned. The machine knocked and banged for quite some time and all I could do was sit there and focus on my breathing. After what seemed like forever, I heard a speaker come on and a woman asked how I was doing. She told me that I may feel something cold in my arm because they were going to inject the dye. She told me I was about done and it would only be about three more minutes.
I felt the cold dye coming into my arm and got this metallic taste in my mouth. I think I could smell it too, but I'm not sure. I started counting VERY slowly to sixty three different times to get myself to the end of it. It actually ended up being more like 6 minutes before she started moving me out of the tube. They removed my IV which didn't have any ink color in it, so I'm not sure what color it was. I didn't ask, but I wondered if my pee was going to be blue. (it didn't)
My next appointment was with a nurse from the hospital that gave me my schedule and did a surgical interview over the phone. It only took about 15-20 minutes with a lot of questions about medical history that I was luckily able to say no to.
My sister and I then took an extended lunch at Panera Bread. We sat and talked for probably three hours. I love having sisters because you can basically talk about anything for any amount of time and not feel bored at all. I was really worried about all of the extra time that we had before next appointment and I guess I didn't need to be.
My last appointment was with my gynecologist who is going to be doing the surgery on Monday. She is really an amazing doctor and I'm really glad that she's taking care of me. She said that all of the blood work and the MRI that I was able to get really helped her feel better about the mass. She had initially been so concerned that she booked my surgery in an inpatient room next to where the cancer doctor operates. Eek! (It's still there just in case.)
So they did a whole work up from the blood I had drawn on Tuesday, but she really only explained the CA-125 test out of like 15 different tests that were done. An elevated level (<35) on this test is a possible sign of ovarian cancer. My levels were only very slightly elevated at 36.79. She wasn't too concerned because a slightly elevated CA-125 level supported a new theory of hers. She think that my tumor may actually be what is known as a chocolate cyst which you can get when you have endometriosis.
The GOOD news is that women with endometriosis can get pregnant! So, I may not be a hopeless cause after all. :) She said if that is the case, we will talk about it more in detail at my post op appointment.
We're still not sure EXACTLY what the mass is, but we'll know by Monday at 1:30pm when I'm on the surgical table. She going to try to do it all laparoscopically, but she may have to make a bigger incision if there are issues. She's really going to try to keep my ovary if possible. One weird part is that they're going to be filling my abdomen with carbon dioxide so she'll be able to navigate easier! Now my image of me on the operating table includes me being blown up like a balloon! If there are no issues and she can do it all laparoscopically, I'll be able to leave that night. If she has to make a bigger incision for any reason at all, I'll probably be staying the night and leaving whenever I'm released.
I'll be on a clear liquid diet (water, chicken broth, apple juice, clear jello, etc) starting Sunday and I'll need to drink some pretty awful stuff that will basically clear me out, so my bowels are completely out of the way for surgery. My doctor said that the operating table would be slanted so my head would be facing down and my feet up. This will make it so that my internal organs get out of the way and won't get nicked during the surgery.
I'm a little nervous because she said I will be in A LOT of pain afterward. When I asked her how it would compare to the pain that I was currently feeling, she said that what I was feeling was a "dull ache" compared to what I would be feeling. She said that I would hate her the day afterward and want to throw darts at her picture. She prescribed even stronger painkillers for me to use after the surgery.
So I know that basically all sounds terrible, but I feel better. I just like being informed... and now you are too! Please keep the prayers coming my way!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Surgery
I mentioned I was having health problems a few posts ago. I am usually a pillar of health, seriously. I've taken maybe one sick day in the past four years. I've only been to the hospital twice in my life. The first being the day I was born and the second a short visit to the ER to get a tetanus shot after a car accident.
So my health, yeah...
Back in April, I visited my gynecologist for an "Infertility Appointment." After hearing my history, my doctor felt pretty confident that she could help me get pregnant. She decided to put me on a low dose of Clomid, which is a pretty well-known fertility drug, to give my ovaries a little boost. She also ordered blood work to check my different hormone levels. My levels came back and they were all normal. We were very optimistic. She told me that the next time she saw me that I should have a big smile on my face and a growing belly.
I was hoping to get pregnant on my first Clomid cycle, but it didn't happen. Instead, my period brought on massive cramping and severe nausea. I still went to work, but I had to teach either sitting down or if I was standing I was usually grasping my sides. It was pretty terrible. My doctor was obviously concerned and scheduled me for an ultrasound in the local office the next day. They saw what looked like a cyst on one of my ovaries, so they sent me to radiology in the city to get better pictures. I had to drink like a billion gallons of water and they did two different ultrasounds, one internal and the other external.
I had a phone appointment with my doctor a couple days later to discuss the findings and she told me that they found multiple cysts on both of my ovaries. She was going to continue to monitor me to see if I had something called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). My blood test results had been normal and did not support PCOS, but she said that not every person is the same with PCOS. She said that she wanted to see a picture of my ovaries NOT on Clomid, so she took me off of it, and wanted me to get another ultrasound in July to see how everything looked. She warned me that she may need to put me on birth control for a while to shrink the cysts if I still had them in July.
So, it seemed like forever, but I finally had my ultrasounds on Tuesday last week. I had been having some pain in my right back side, so I was pretty sure that I still had some cysts in there and was mentally preparing myself to go on birth control.
My phone conference with my doctor on Monday was definitely NOT what I was expecting. It turns out that the little cysts were basically gone, but what we thought was a cyst is really a rapidly growing tumor on my right ovary. My doctor tried to ease me into it, but warned me that there was a small possibility that it could be cancerous. She thinks that it is probably a dermoid cyst, but they can't tell from the ultrasound pictures. She also told me, no running, bouncing, jumping, etc. That my poor little ovary is dangling there with twice as much weight on it and she doesn't want to have to do emergency surgery with a big ugly scar if it becomes twisted. I've been in a lot of pain the last few days and was taking the max dose of Tylenol without any improvement, so my doctor prescribed me some codeine to help.
I went in on Tuesday to pick up my prescription and get more blood work done. I've been getting a lot of blood work done lately so that was pretty routine for me. The only thing that wasn't routine was the fact that they took SIX vials of blood from me instead of the regular 1-2 vials. When I went to pick up the prescription, they warned me about driving while on my medicine, so I'm basically stuck at home.
At first, my doctor didn't have any openings in her schedule until mid-September. That was going to be awful because I would be starting school and Doug is going to be out of town for six weeks starting the end of August. Fortunately (or unfortunately, I guess) my case was marked as urgent, so someone got bumped and I got their surgery slot. I have laparoscopic surgery scheduled for this coming Monday, July 25th. I'm really nervous. I keep on imagining myself in a hospital gown laying unconscious on a surgical table and it kind of freaks me out. I'm mostly nervous because of the mention of the C word, but also because the doctor warned me that I might lose my right ovary with the surgery. So much is really unknown at this point.
I've been watching all kinds of laparoscopic surgeries on the ovaries online. They'll be making tiny incisions on my abdomen at my belly button for a little camera and in other places for their tiny tools. I'm kind of confused as to whether it is inpatient or outpatient surgery. The nurse on the phone told me that it may be possible for me to leave the same day, but my doctor will probably have me stay overnight for observation. I have two different pre-op appointments this Friday, so I should be more informed by then. My mother-in-law, who is a surgical tech, has participated in tons of these surgeries and was able to calm some of my fears by telling me exactly what to expect.
So, it's almost 4am and I've been up for three and a half hours. The dreams I have while medicated are not pleasant. I'm sick to my stomach from the pain pills and I stepped in cat puke as I left my bedroom to blog. I hate the brain fuzziness I feel from the pills, but the pain in my abdomen is pretty intolerable without them. I hate even more that I'm stuck at home all day lacking the brain function to even read a simple children's chapter book.
My teacher friend, Caitlin is planning on picking me up tomorrow/today so my drugged self can tag along with her throughout the day instead of sitting around at home watching YouTube movies of laparoscopic surgeries. Now that's a good friend! I don't know what she has planned for her day tomorrow, but I'm actually looking forward to whatever it is.
If you could maybe say a tiny little prayer for me that would be really great. I'm really feeling like crap.
So my health, yeah...
Back in April, I visited my gynecologist for an "Infertility Appointment." After hearing my history, my doctor felt pretty confident that she could help me get pregnant. She decided to put me on a low dose of Clomid, which is a pretty well-known fertility drug, to give my ovaries a little boost. She also ordered blood work to check my different hormone levels. My levels came back and they were all normal. We were very optimistic. She told me that the next time she saw me that I should have a big smile on my face and a growing belly.
I was hoping to get pregnant on my first Clomid cycle, but it didn't happen. Instead, my period brought on massive cramping and severe nausea. I still went to work, but I had to teach either sitting down or if I was standing I was usually grasping my sides. It was pretty terrible. My doctor was obviously concerned and scheduled me for an ultrasound in the local office the next day. They saw what looked like a cyst on one of my ovaries, so they sent me to radiology in the city to get better pictures. I had to drink like a billion gallons of water and they did two different ultrasounds, one internal and the other external.
I had a phone appointment with my doctor a couple days later to discuss the findings and she told me that they found multiple cysts on both of my ovaries. She was going to continue to monitor me to see if I had something called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). My blood test results had been normal and did not support PCOS, but she said that not every person is the same with PCOS. She said that she wanted to see a picture of my ovaries NOT on Clomid, so she took me off of it, and wanted me to get another ultrasound in July to see how everything looked. She warned me that she may need to put me on birth control for a while to shrink the cysts if I still had them in July.
 | |
| No baby in there, only a big ugly tumor. |
My phone conference with my doctor on Monday was definitely NOT what I was expecting. It turns out that the little cysts were basically gone, but what we thought was a cyst is really a rapidly growing tumor on my right ovary. My doctor tried to ease me into it, but warned me that there was a small possibility that it could be cancerous. She thinks that it is probably a dermoid cyst, but they can't tell from the ultrasound pictures. She also told me, no running, bouncing, jumping, etc. That my poor little ovary is dangling there with twice as much weight on it and she doesn't want to have to do emergency surgery with a big ugly scar if it becomes twisted. I've been in a lot of pain the last few days and was taking the max dose of Tylenol without any improvement, so my doctor prescribed me some codeine to help.
I went in on Tuesday to pick up my prescription and get more blood work done. I've been getting a lot of blood work done lately so that was pretty routine for me. The only thing that wasn't routine was the fact that they took SIX vials of blood from me instead of the regular 1-2 vials. When I went to pick up the prescription, they warned me about driving while on my medicine, so I'm basically stuck at home.
At first, my doctor didn't have any openings in her schedule until mid-September. That was going to be awful because I would be starting school and Doug is going to be out of town for six weeks starting the end of August. Fortunately (or unfortunately, I guess) my case was marked as urgent, so someone got bumped and I got their surgery slot. I have laparoscopic surgery scheduled for this coming Monday, July 25th. I'm really nervous. I keep on imagining myself in a hospital gown laying unconscious on a surgical table and it kind of freaks me out. I'm mostly nervous because of the mention of the C word, but also because the doctor warned me that I might lose my right ovary with the surgery. So much is really unknown at this point.
I've been watching all kinds of laparoscopic surgeries on the ovaries online. They'll be making tiny incisions on my abdomen at my belly button for a little camera and in other places for their tiny tools. I'm kind of confused as to whether it is inpatient or outpatient surgery. The nurse on the phone told me that it may be possible for me to leave the same day, but my doctor will probably have me stay overnight for observation. I have two different pre-op appointments this Friday, so I should be more informed by then. My mother-in-law, who is a surgical tech, has participated in tons of these surgeries and was able to calm some of my fears by telling me exactly what to expect.
So, it's almost 4am and I've been up for three and a half hours. The dreams I have while medicated are not pleasant. I'm sick to my stomach from the pain pills and I stepped in cat puke as I left my bedroom to blog. I hate the brain fuzziness I feel from the pills, but the pain in my abdomen is pretty intolerable without them. I hate even more that I'm stuck at home all day lacking the brain function to even read a simple children's chapter book.
My teacher friend, Caitlin is planning on picking me up tomorrow/today so my drugged self can tag along with her throughout the day instead of sitting around at home watching YouTube movies of laparoscopic surgeries. Now that's a good friend! I don't know what she has planned for her day tomorrow, but I'm actually looking forward to whatever it is.
If you could maybe say a tiny little prayer for me that would be really great. I'm really feeling like crap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)