Back in the Routine of Things

I'm starting back into the routine of my Facebook and blog checking. It was really hard to get online for a while after Daisy's death. I'm really thankful that the holidays were right afterward because I needed time to heal.

One of my best friends that I grew up with died in a car accident the end of October. I hadn't seen her since our sophomore year in high school when she transferred to a different school, but we had reconnected through Facebook in the last year. She was teaching English in middle school and had a little boy starting kindergarten. It was really great to exchange silly little memories of us as kids. Her death was sudden and hit me pretty hard. It happened over a weekend so luckily Doug was there to comfort me as I bawled. I went to her viewing and was rocked by the reality of death for the first time in my life.

Jenn's death caused a lot of thinking on my part. I was having a hard time coping the sadness, but Doug called me with a surprise that next weekend and we adopted Daisy. Lucky and Darwin are great, but they've never really been lap cats. Daisy was an absolute joy in my life from the moment we got her. She would follow me around the house, sleep with me every night, wake me up in the middle of the night licking my face, sit in my lap as I worked, watched TV, ate dinner. She was my constant purring companion.

The day that Daisy died, I had been planning to sneak her up to see Doug in Annapolis. We decided that morning on the phone that I should just stay home because Doug was going to be home early for the Thanksgiving holiday and I would see him in three short days. My mom was in Boston at a conference and my dad and siblings were going to pick up Liza from college for the Thanksgiving holiday. They were trying to find a place to Johnny, my little brother, and I offered to take him for the day.

Johnny was upstairs on my computer and I was watching TV when I heard a board fall down in the basement. The cats are always knocking things down in the house, but I had a feeling and went to check right away. What I found when I went down the stairs was terrible. Daisy was laying on the floor with a board laying on top of her head.  She was bleeding out of her mouth and ear and was jerking violently.  Her eyes were unfocused, but she still looked afraid and in pain.  I knew that there was nothing I would be able to do, so I just picked her up and held her up to me to comfort her.  I rushed her upstairs dripping blood all over the carpet and floor until I was able to lay her in the kitchen sink and call the vet.  I remember screaming at Johnny to grab a towel while he just stood there and stared at me in shock.  Johnny held her in a towel while I drove frantically the 20 minutes to the vet.  I remember a mother and younger daughter being there holding open the door for me as I ran in.  I don't remember what I was wearing or if my hair was brushed, I just remember crying and begging them to fix her or to at least make it so that she wouldn't feel pain anymore.  They gave her pain medication immediately and then did x-rays to see if there was any hope. The x-rays confirmed what I feared I already knew... there was nothing that they could do for our little Daisy.  She had lost so much blood that it was taking them forever to even find a vein to euthanize her.  Once they did, I held her as she slipped away.

Johnny was with me the whole time helping the best he could through the panic. I felt really bad that he had to be there for the whole thing, but in the end, I'm glad that there was someone else there with me. My dad came later that night, picked up Johnny, and helped clean things up. Doug came as soon as he could the next day and came home the rest of the week instead of going to the apartment. We buried her at my parents' house the next day.

The first couple of days were hard, very hard. I had told my students all about getting Daisy and naming her. They had been asking for daily updates about her. I was terrified that they would ask me how she was doing and that I would just break down. I even met with the school's guidance counselor in the morning before school started with a system to have a student bring a note down to her if they brought up Daisy. Luckily, I was able to dodge any questions about her.

I was really saddened by the loss of Daisy, but had the most difficulty with flashbacks of the experience. My family helped out a lot by talking to me during my commute so I wouldn't have time to think about it. Luckily, with time, comes healing. I guess sometimes things in life just suck.

I hope that there is a kitty celestial kingdom (heaven) because Daisy definitely would have made it.

I took this picture the morning of the day that Daisy died. The cats don't like it when I get out of bed in the morning, so they lay on me and look all cute. Daisy always slept with me... Darwin was just being jealous.