Lupron

So two weeks ago, I went in to get the DepoLupron shot.  Yes, the one that is supposed to put me through a temporary menopause.  I was going to get it the Monday before Thanksgiving, but my stupid brain got all hopeful that I got pregnant my ONE whole month off of birth control.

Getting my period feels like serious punishment after all that hope. Especially when it was a whole three days late and I had caved and gotten on the stupid Baby Center due date calculator the night before. (Would've been an August 9th due date if you were wondering.) The first day is pretty terrible both physically and emotionally.   Now for those of you that know me outside of my blog, you know I am not one for drama.  I don't really cry.  I rarely take pain pills and NEVER take sick days.  I'm just not one of those high maintenance or emotional gals.  The only time I really cry is sometimes when I'm watching TV.

Whenever I researched endometriosis online, everyone wrote on the message boards about how much terrible pain they were in and I always thought Lucky me, I'm glad I don't have THAT type of endometriosis.  Well it turns out that my luck is no more.  After the month of November when I wasn't on any form of treatment, the first day of my period was pretty terrible.  That Saturday I was curled up in bed, crying, and grasping at my right side.  "Doctor Doug" made sure that I was comfortable with a heating pad, pain pills, and food when I was up for it.  Luckily, the severe pain really only lasts that first day.  Throughout the month though, I get these short stabbing pains in my right back side that last anywhere from 2-10 seconds.  Sometimes they knock the breath right out of me and I have to stop whatever I am doing.  Other times, I just grimace and it is over as quickly as it begun.

So about this shot...  As soon as I got my period, I was ready to get it like yesterday.  I called up my nurse and they were able to give it to me that Monday right after school.  The good news was that they were able to give me the time-release one that is three months worth of medicine in one shot, rather than going in three different times and paying three separate $30 co-pays.  With all the research that I did on the darn drug, nothing told me that I was going to get a shot in my hip.  Ouch!  At the doctor's office when I got into the room, I started pulling up my sleeves when the nurse kindly gave me the bad news that it would need to go in my hip.  I decided to stand for it, but I guess I didn't do a good job at relaxing because I was limping around for about 24 hours afterward with some sore muscles.

As far as side effects, I really think I have lucked out.  For the first week and a half, I was getting constant canker sores on the inside of my mouth on the gums between my teeth and my lips.  It hurt to smile and eat, but I was just thankful that it was inside my mouth and not on my face.  (Fourth graders are still learning that it is impolite to ask someone why they have a big ugly sore on their face.)  About three or so days in, I felt really depressed, but Doug was out of town (once again) and I was probably just missing him.  I don't think I've gotten any hot flashes yet.  I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm warm, but I think it's just because I've been turning my heater blanket up too high.  I also get noticeably hungry faster, but besides that I'm pretty sure I've just been normal me.  The side effect that I am hoping for is for these pains in my right side to go away... and of course, eventually pregnancy.

I'm turning 28 in February.  Doug and I will have been married for 7 years this May.  I'm really thankful that we've gotten this time to ourselves to work out the kinks and to get to know each other even better.  Maybe we needed it?  My problem is that I keep on waiting for my life, my REAL one to begin.  The one where Doug and I get to have cute family pictures to send in Christmas newsletters, where I get to pick up and drop off kids at practices, where I check over homework and help with ridiculous science fair projects... all that tedious stuff that moms sometimes complain about.  I see the little ones in church snuggling up to their mothers, crying mommy when they fall down, holding their hand when they walk.  I want it all so bad. 

This isn't the life that I thought I would be living, not even close.  But it's mine.