BUT, there was ONE statement that I felt was the exception to this rule...
I will NEVER let the baby sleep in MY bed. Babies belong in their cribs from the FIRST night home from the hospital, right?!? A baby in your bed is not only dangerous. (You could smother your baby while you sleep!) A baby in your bed will interfere with your marriage. No privacy for... ya know?! Your child will end up sleeping in your bed until they start kindergarten. Your kid will be that one that is needy and clings to mommy and refuses to socialize because you've made them completely codependent.
I don't want to RUIN my baby.
FIRST night home from the hospital... Baby monitors are set up. We got the high tech ones, but not the highest tech with like video monitoring (We're not THOSE parents!) We're in bed by 8:30pm and Leah is sleeping peacefully in her cradle IN THE NURSERY. She hasn't stirred, she's warm, her belly is full, her diaper is clean, she's been burped, etc... I've set the alarm for 3 hours so I can wake up and nurse her if she doesn't wake me up first. I can now enjoy a peaceful nights' rest in my own bed without all of the noisy interruptions from the hospital.
8:32pm - Wait?! DID YOU HEAR THAT? (Check on Leah, who is still sleeping peacefully.) I decide to stay and watch her sleep for about 5 minutes just to make sure. She's fine. I can go back to bed. Can I turn up the sensitivity on these monitors? They're already at their max setting, huh? Well, I guess I can sleep with it on my ear instead of on my night stand. Back to sleep. (I'm not going to be one of those crazy moms!)
9:30 pm - Wait?! DID YOU HEAR THAT?! The monitor is registering no sound. I'll just go and check on her to be sure. The second I open the door, I hear choking and see Leah struggling in her cradle to breathe. Her face isn't quite changing colors, but she definitely has a spit-up like mucus in her mouth that is preventing her from breathing, I grab her in one quick scoop and frantically pat her back to get her breathing again. She is fine within seconds. Immediately, the picture of a cold, still infant flashes in my brain. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins. I'm no longer the least bit tired. What if I hadn't checked on her???
I calm Leah down by cuddling her and then nursing her to sleep. I google on my phone for infants choking on spit-up. One article come up that says it's impossible because a baby will turn its head to the side before it chokes. I feel relieved, but keep on searching. I come upon a babycenter message board. Several mothers are in a discussion about the same thing. One is staying that she had to call an ambulance to resuscitate her child after a similar incident. Oh my gosh! How am I going to sleep knowing that my child could choke any second and I wouldn't be able to hear it on the monitor?
Wait, she had mucus in her mouth. Could that be a sign of cystic fibrosis? (My brother passed away from cystic fibrosis unexpectedly as an infant.) I tested positive as a carrier. We don't know if Doug is a carrier. Her results will not be back for two weeks... I remember my grandma saying that my brother's skin was salty. (Taste Leah's skin... not salty) Okay.
I bring a blanket into the nursery and "sleep" the rest of the night on the floor next to the cradle.
Doug wakes up around 4:30 am and finds me in the nursery. He sends me to bed, takes away the monitor, and then promises to stay in the nursery. I am asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
9:30 am - I wake up in a panic. Has it really been 5 hours?!? I run into the nursery to find Leah perfectly content and Doug getting ready to do a diaper change. I let Doug know about the 3 hour nursing rule and he looks at me like I'm crazy.
Doug - "You mean that while she is nursing, you will have no longer than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep?!?"
Me - "Yeah, 1-3 hours. That's what they say you should do."
Doug - "I say they're out of their freaking minds! If a baby is sleeping, you don't wake it up!"
The cradle was in our room by the next night. Right now, Doug only sleeps in our bedroom on nights where he won't be working the next day. His job is such that he needs to get a full night's rest because mistakes can mean rather serious consequences. He's sleeping two floors down in the guest bedroom in the basement. (Lucky him! ...I'm actually okay with this situation and came up with this solution myself.)
Tuesday morning, he came up to shower and found Leah in bed with me. It had started innocently at first with me just wanting to nurse her in bed. She would wake up each time I tried to put her back in the cradle, so I just ended up moving her about a foot from me after finishing nursing her and then going to bed. Doug then tells me this horror story about a guy that he works with. Apparently, this guy's wife fell asleep with their newborn son in bed and accidentally smothered him in her sleep. Doug said that the guy talked about how he would never forget the wailing sobs of his wife or the cold feeling of his son.
OH MY GOSH! I almost killed my baby! What was I freaking thinking?!?
Tuesday night... Leah WILL NOT sleep in her crib, in her cradle, in her swing, in her bouncer. She will NOT sleep anywhere! Oh my gosh, is it possible for a child to nurse for 4 straight hours?!? (The answer to that question unfortunately is YES.) I give up around 4:30am and erect a fort of pillows around her on our king size bed. I nurse her and lay her down and she... STAYS asleep. I watch her sleep peacefully for a little while and then pass out myself on my cordoned off portion of the bed.
It is a week later and we are now practicing co-sleeping. I've decided that for the next couple of weeks we are going to treat this like a fourth trimester... Life as similar as possible to life in the womb. I'll try on weekends to get her back into the crib, but for right now, we're working for survival.
I've decided that there isn't just ONE right way for this mom stuff. We will do what works for us.
Being a mom is definitely a challenge, but I love it anyway... In a crazy, sleep-deprived loving way.
You are an awesome Mom! I think it's good to listen to the advice of the "experts" around you. But ultimately, YOU are the expert on your child. You do what works best for your family. I strongly believe in mother's intuition. If you feel like something isn't right, it probably isn't, even if doctors are telling you it is. If you feel like it's OK, even if others are telling you not to do it, then it probably is.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, the "wake the baby up every 2-3 hours" is kind of crazy to me, unless your child is underweight or something. They'll wake up if they;re hungry. If they aren't you need your sleep. I did this with Mason and then months later he was still on this wake up every couple hour schedule.
Anyway, you're the Mom. You know best. Don't let anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Just listen and take what rings true to you. Keep up the great work!!
I do want to add that I definitely still welcome advice from other mommies, but that I'm going to do what ultimately works for us in the end because I've realized that there are way too many ways to parent the "right way."
ReplyDeleteLeah has been up to her birth weight now for several days, so I am letting her sleep until she wakes herself up and not that 1-3 hour stuff. Someone gave me some advice that really helped me in the beginning. They said, "Babies are bad at starving themselves. They'll let you know when they're hungry."
Love that advice Jenny. Every baby is so different too, so Leah may do things differently then what her siblings will do. I think just doing what works and what you feel like is best, is the best, because you are the mom. Keep on trucking! You've got this. :)
ReplyDeleteI remember first-time-mom anxiety. It is the WORST! It gets better with later children, but it's so hard in the beginning. I did all kinds of research, read millions of books, had a plan ready to go and my boys have definitely thrown it all out the window. Every baby is different but YOU know best! Let that baby sleep however long she needs to sleep (and you sleep, too!). And we ended up co-sleeping both my boys in the beginning because they just wanted to snuggle with Mommy (Alex, especially, but he was born 2 weeks early at 6 lbs 1 oz). Now they both sleep in their own bed/crib. Trust yourself - you're a mommy, now!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha I LOVE this post...you crack me up. I haven't licked Brooke yet but maybe I should taste her ;)
ReplyDeleteI love that post...but Iz never slept with us and that was a firm rule, mostly cause she was a grunter when she slept so she slept in the front room and I was in a bed down the hall with the door open so that Dallin could sleep. I worried about the spit up choking, so she slept in her little laydown bouncer for the longest time. It cradled her at the same time as elevated her to keep Breastmilk from reguritating. I too lick Iz on occasion, but that is mostly her fingers cause she wants me to taste what she is eating. Have fun and remember this phase only last as long as 3 months unless you let it go longer.
ReplyDeleteI go back and forth with co-sleeping. I use it as a tool during times of need. When the baby is sick/teething and keeps waking up, when I stayed up too late etc. It also really helped when Peter started rejecting the nipple shield that I used with him for the first four months. I think he was mad cause it slowed down the milk flow, but he didn't quite know how to nurse without it. One night we basically nurse ALL NIGHT. It was rough, but by morning it was as though something had clicked. I sleep much better without kids in my bed, but I don't mind having them there occasionally, and I don't worry about safety because I don't move at ALL in my sleep and also am a light sleeper.
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