Perspective

Doug has been traveling for work since the family reunion and he won't be back until the12th. Taking care of an almost four month old is pretty time consuming. Leah is a mover and basically isn't content unless she is physically moving, nursing, or sleeping. The only reason I get a shower most days is because of an amazing contraption called the Jenny Jump Up. I get about 5-10 minutes with that. Who knew that being able to brush your hair would become a luxury?!

I'm not writing this post to complain about my current situation... although I guess I'm getting to do that too. :) I wanted to write down some of what I've been thinking about these few weeks because a 4 month old isn't much of a conversationalist.

A little over a week ago, I almost threw in the towel on being a stay at home mom. I guess there were probably several factors involved, but the one that was on the forefront of my mind was my complete inability to get ANYTHING done.

Leah was nap striking. She would sleep in my lap and next to me on my bed. I would try to sneak away, but she would wake up within a few seconds of me leaving her side. About the only time I had to myself was when I needed to use the bathroom and she was usually screaming about 10 feet away.

I happened to know about a first grade position at the elementary school less than a mile from my house. I was about to unresign my position and try to apply.

You see, I've been a stay at home mom now a little over 4 months and my kitchen is still HALF painted. It's been that way for OVER a year and it makes me feel like a complete failure. It's a dumb thing to stress about, but whatever. When you're home A LOT, you start to see a bunch of things that you'd like to get done (and Pinterest only exacerbates the problem).

So when was my turning point? When did I gain my perspective? Well, I guess there have been a few things...

First, a grandbaby of someone in my ward died of SIDS. (Worst freaking nightmare of any new mom) She was just a few days older than Leah and we actually met. I was nursing Leah in the mother's room at church and this mom came in. We talked for a while and I just remember the mom snuggling her little girl and whispering to her, "I love you. I love you. I love you." I remember thinking that Leah was huge compared to this baby that was a similar age.

The day I found out, I was bouncing Leah in a little bouncer in front of me and browsing Facebook. I immediately put my phone down and just hugged and squeezed my little girl. I've always snuggled my little Leah, but I started doing it even more. I treasure our time together (even though we do get A LOT of it).

Another thing that changed things for me was joining a Facebook group for moms in the small town that I live in. I've met lots of my neighbors and made new friends. I've learned about all the neat little events that go on in my itty bitty town. I've even started going on play dates.. haha.

Up until this point, I've always felt like my house was a temporary place... a stepping stone to my next house that would be bigger, better decorated, have a bigger yard, more garage space, etc. etc... My next house would be my HOME. Well, I've decided that I actually LIKE where I am. It's a great place to raise Leah. It's not perfect, but I'm going to make it my home.

So this weird feeling that I've been getting lately I guess is contentment.

I'm OKAY with the small town where I'm living. My house with it's postage stamp sized lawn, nonexistant driveway, and small bedrooms is just FINE. It's NOT A BIG DEAL that my kitchen is half painted. I will get to it eventually. I'm HAPPY where I am.

Right now, I'm just going to enjoy my time with Leah. She's does something new and amazing just about every day (even if amazing at this point is batting at a toy on purpose). It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also pretty dang rewarding to wake up to her smiling face each morning.