Recently...
-Doug is traveling. For 6 weeks. I've made it through 3 weeks so far. Reception is spotty so we don't get to talk much. I've been really proud of myself for being disciplined and going to sleep before 10 pm (most of the time). I've woken up EVERY morning at 5 am for work. Every night since he been gone, I've woken up randomly around 2 or 3 am. I just couldn't get to bed again this time. It's lonely.
-School started. 26 kiddos so far. The majority of this group loves to talk. But not about school. I'm working hard to change this into something productive. The beginning of the school year with a new class is like training a puppy, scratch that... litter of puppies. It's going to take time and it's a lot of work. I love them to death, but I miss the familiarity and discipline of my last dog, I mean uh class. Did that make sense?
Of course not. It's now 4 in the morning. I'm pretty sure I have these same feelings every single year.
What else, well...
-The carpet is in and the basement is basically done. It looks really good. The furniture is being delivered next week. For some reason, I haven't been able to get excited about it. It just makes my empty house feel emptier these days.
-I got to go to the temple with my sister Heather and her family this last weekend. Their stake was having a temple day. My parent's stake is having one this weekend. I haven't been to the temple two consecutive times this close together since I got married... over 6 years ago.
-Got the hospital bill or rather "Explanation of Benefits" in the mail yesterday. The whole thing cost over $20,000! I paid $30. Are doctors paid a salary or do they get bonuses for performing expensive surgeries? ...Thankful for good health insurance.
-I'm still on this darn birth control that my doctor prescribed to help with the endo. Having to take this dumb little pill every day is rather disheartening. I keep on telling myself that this is a means to an end and that I should be able to see the end in sight, but when I look at how much longer I have, it seems like an eternity.
-I think it must be messing with my hormones. I feel emotionally dead inside at times and other times I have to hold back sobs after hearing a story on the radio or watching a movie. Seriously, this last weekend I had to hold back tears while watching "The Living Scriptures: Nephi Builds a Boat." I'm not kidding. I feel messed up.
In an attempt to be happy, I've bought the ingredients for monkey bread and I'm taking it to school tomorrow to share with the teachers. Feeding myself and others yummy food will hopefully help me be happy. I'm really trying here.
Wow! Hopefully, things picked up after 4am! That's rough that you're waking up so early. I imagine you just got ready for work after this post. I like how your posts are so real. You say it like it is and you expose your real feelings...frustration, sadness, happiness, etc. I think we can all relate to those feelings. And you always do it with a little humor. It's a gift to be able to see the humor in life and be able to laugh at yourself even when you feel like crying. My heart aches with your frustrations. I hope you were able to catch up on sleep over the weekend! Good luck with your new litter. I know it's an active one.:)
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