A MOMent of Clarity

The field trip we went on was great!  We went to the Maryland Science Center and it was AWESOME!  The whole place was hands-on and the kids LOVED it.  The weather was beautiful and we were even able to eat our lunches outside at the beautiful Baltimore Harbor. 

One of the parents talked to me before boarding the bus to go home.  He looked absolutely exhausted as he herded his four kids onto the bus after only two hours of museum fun.  He asked me with a mixed look of wonderment and horror, "How do you do manage 28 kids all day long AND teach them something in the process??"  I just smiled and laughed.

It got me thinking though.

Yesterday we were finishing our first ever five paragraph essays in fourth grade.  Writing is HARD.  Especially when you are trying to teach 28 students that are all on COMPLETELY different levels.  Some finished all five paragraphs and had it typed by Tuesday.  Others had less than five sentences written on Wednesday.

I was sitting at the back reading group table with a laptop on my lap editing a student's paper, consulting the two on the desktop computers behind me about formatting issues, in front of me was a line of 5+ students deep, a child desperately giving me the signal for the restroom across the room, two girls that *thought* they were getting away with passing a note, and about 20 other students (hopefully) working on their essays.

I nodded to the poor student with her teeth floating, I put my hand palm up out and said, "NOTE" with a disapproving look while pointing to the reminder book (our behavior system) with my other hand, and continued to edit the multiple papers.  In the midst of all of this, a student helper came up to me with a paper that didn't have a name on it.  I took one look at it and hollered, "P-----, you should trying putting your name on your paper next time."  He came and retrieved it with a sheepish grin and turned it in.

The student in the front of my growing line looked at me with complete amazement and said, "Mrs. S---, how did you know it was his???"  I responded, "I know all 28 of your voices, your handwriting, your likes and dislikes... I know what you're going to do before you do it."

He looked at me and said, "You're like all of our MOMS, but AT SCHOOL."

I guess I kind of am.

Catch Up Pictures

I was looking through my camera to find if there were any pictures I missed during my four month stint of non-blogging.  Here are a few...

Doug carving the humongo pumpkin we grew ourselves for Halloween 2010.

 

Our finished Halloween 2010 pumpkins.

 

Picture of Doug and I after hiking Maryland Heights. - Thanksgiving 2010

 

Recent picture of Darwin

Recent picture of Lucky

Minus the Wigs

Here is a picture of my class after our annual fourth grade Constitutional Convention.

I'm taking all of these kiddos on a field trip tomorrow... minus the wigs.

Wish me luck!

No Soliciting

This year, Doug and I have late church so Daylight Savings Time wasn't too hard on us.  We stayed in bed until around 10am and ate breakfast together in our PJ's.  It was a beautiful day and I suddenly remembered that we planted 75 tulip bulbs in our front yard back in September.  I ran outside in my pajamas and found little green starts of tulips popping out of the ground.  I hollered at Doug to come and look too.  We ooh-ed and ahh-ed at our baby tulips popping out of the ground.  It's rather exciting to see something grow that you've planted!

While we were out there in our pajamas, we noticed a door to door salesman talking to our next door neighbors.  Hoping to get out of the awkward situation of saying no to the poor guy, I ran inside and wrote this quick note on a piece of easily accessible paper to post on our doorway.

My intention was to stick the note on the door really quickly so he would be able to read it upon approaching our door.  Unfortunately, this guy was standing a foot away from the door with his arm up ready to knock when I opened the door.  I stuck it on there and closed the door really quickly.

I should've added a smiley face.  That always makes notes seem nicer.

Learning and Growing

I don't want to sound all depressing on here.  My life is great.  REALLY!  Some things that I planned in my excel spreadsheet are better than I even planned.  I'm very fortunate to have married a saver, so that I don't ever have to worry about having enough.  Both my husband and I have jobs that we love.  We have a beautiful home.  I have learned and grown so much in the last year!

On bad days, I refer to this school year as the "Year that Wasn't Supposed to Happen."  I was supposed to have a baby in September and become a stay-at-home mom.  On good days though, I can take a step back and see how much I've learned and grown this past school year.

This year in my work, I was asked to be team lead for my fourth grade team.  I was VERY nervous to take on this position because I am not a natural leader.  I am indecisive and I avoid conflict like the plague.  Both of these personality characteristics I've had to flush down the toilet.  As team lead, I lead collaborative planning meetings twice a month, bring back news from the school administration, and head up the development of most of the material we create.  It involves a lot of decision making and I have to face conflict head on.

A couple months ago I chewed someone out.  Yes, I as in me... chewed... someone... out...  I did it, really!  I felt guilty, yet satisfied.  Is that how it's supposed to feel?  Never before in my life had I told someone EXACTLY how I felt in the heat of the moment.  Usually I drive home and think about all of the things I should've said AND never say any of it.  Now, I don't plan on chewing people out on a regular basis.  But, it was evidence to me of growth.  That I could actually tell someone exactly what I felt they needed to hear at that moment in time.  I felt like I said it in a respectful way (for the most part) and listened to the other person's side.  Having this conversation actually made things better for my team.

Today, I ran what I felt was my most successful meeting.  I'm doing better at timing the agenda so that we cover everything.  I feel like I was able to bring everyone's comments together to compromise on different team matters that we discussed.  I always worry about being too bossy or disrespectful of my teammates' views, but we were able to accomplish a lot in the small time period we had.

I'm learning and growing.

I'm doing and trying new things that I wouldn't have done otherwise.  I'll continue to find the silver lining in life because that is who I am.  Someone told me once that my "overly optimistic view on life" would change as life kicked me around a bit more.  I hope it doesn't.  I hope I don't let it.

Living Nine Months in the Future

Many people, when they're facing a challenge in their life, say that they're just taking it "day by day."

I wish that was me.

I'm not one of those people that can just let things happen.  I am a planner.  Whenever Doug and I were purchasing our house three years ago, I was on planner overdrive.  I actually created an excel spreadsheet and gave it the name, "Life Plan."  My mom chuckled from the kitchen and Doug rolled his eyes, but I was determined to have things ALL figured out.  I didn't want something to happen that I wasn't ready for.

I created a complex spreadsheet that listed the amortization schedule for our mortgage, our current salaries, very conservative estimates for salary increases, savings account balances, and major life events.  In my perfect life plan, I was supposed to get pregnant within 3 months of going off birth control and have my first baby in or around May of 2010.  In my mind I had it broken down into even more detail.  The baby would be a boy born on May 25, 2010 in the early morning.  Yeah... If that was all I planned, then I probably would still be considered "normal," but my spreadsheet did not end there. In fact, I planned and recorded the birth order of the rest of my children; in March 2012 (girl), June 2014 (boy), and April 2016 (girl).  I had the next 30 years or so years of my life planned out.  I was ready for life to happen.

Now life DID happen... just not the way I planned it.

Now I'm not crazy... REALLY I'm not... I did realize that things wouldn't happen EXACTLY the way that I planned out in my excel spreadsheet, but I didn't think I'd be so far off track.

Trying to get pregnant has been so frustrating.  I wish I didn't want it so much or that I could stop thinking about it.  Lately, I've just felt like I want to give up.  Last month I stopped taking the prenatal vitamins that I had been taking daily for the last year and a half.  I put the thermometer that was in my nightstand back in the medicine cabinet.  I haven't purchased a pregnancy test in months.  I've stopped crying the day that I get my period... even if it happens on my birthday. (Yeah, I'm 27 and still no kids... didn't think that would happen.)  I can't say that I've stopped visiting BabyCenter.com's Due Date Calculator though.

I'm living nine months in the future.

In January, it was October for me.  I dreamed of wearing a Dr. Seuss Halloween costume with "Thing 2" on my big belly as I walked around the track at school with my fourth graders following for our annual book character parade.

In February, I was gearing up for Thanksgiving in my mind.  I pictured myself making mashed potatoes with a baby strapped to the front of me.  I was thinking of how great it would be to plan fall birthday parties.

Now in March, I'm thinking of December.  I'm hoping to be fat for Christmas pictures.

Identity Crisis

Hello, my name is Jen, Jenny, Jennifer.

When I introduce myself to a new person depending on the situation, I will use one of the three above names.  It's really been bothering me for quite some time that I can't actually decide what I like to go by.

I've met a lot of people that are very opinionated on this topic.  I call my sister Rebekah, Bekah, but NEVER Becky.  Doug's little sister, who was known as Katie her first 16 years has now decided that she likes to be called Kate.  She will actually correct you if you call her Katie.  ...even if you are seeing her for the first time in months and complimenting her on how beautiful and grown up she looks...

My personality is such that I will avoid conflict at all costs and I can be quite indecisive at times.  For those of you that know about the color code personality test, I am white white WHITE, a peacemaker.  I would never correct someone who called me by an "incorrect name" and I'm not decisive enough to pick one.

This is how I look at my names...

Jennifer - Formal Name

Jen - Informal Name

Jenny - Family Name

I think my blogging name will now be... Jen, Jenny, Jennifer

Now everyone can just decide for themselves what they want to call me.  Should I create a poll? ;)

Weekend Adventure

In an attempt to try to be interesting people and do interesting things, Doug and I went to the International Spy Museum in Washington DC.  We got a great deal on tickets and decided to go for it.  It was tons of fun and I totally recommend it.  We took on secret identities, underwent training, and then went on a top secret mission.  Unfortunately though, they didn't allow photography, so our experience was picture-less.  We got t-shirts and free key chains that say, "Deny Everything."

We walked around for a little while in DC.  I really can't understand why someone would want to live in a city.  I just felt unsafe the whole time.  Maybe I was still in spy mode... We walked to Chinatown which is right around the corner from the Spy Museum and ate had some authentic Chinese food.  (Is it authentic if it's in Chinatown and not China?)  Every single time we ordered something off the menu, she would respond, "Anything else? ...anything else? ...anything else?" in her accent.  My sesame chicken was really good.  Doug's noodily swamp of chicken something or other made my stomach turn just looking at it.

I'm already planning all of things that I am going to do this summer.  I have a to do list on my phone.  Some ideas include staying in a Bed and Breakfast in Berkeley, WV; going camping at New Germany State Park; driving Skyline Drive and going to Luray Caverns; seeing the baby leopards at the National Zoo; and maybe a trip to somewhere outside of the states... I started the paperwork for a passport, not because I have plans, just because I WANT to have plans.  Also included on my to do list is making my house more homey by doing things like painting and maybe buying a few decorative items.  I'm seriously thinking about offering babysitting or tutoring in exchange for someone to tell me how to decorate my house.  That's right... just tell me how to do it.  I'm indecisive and the amount of decisions that I will need to make might kill me.  I just want it done.

I just need to the weather to warm up soon.  Spring, where are you?