Ouch!

I got my one month shot yesterday and the hot flashes have come back fully. Darn! I hope that these will be last ones until I hit real menopause. Once again, I'm glad I'm going through this in the winter time. I haven't felt too crazy emotionally which I am thankful for.

Doug had to work a crazy shift 10am-2am, yes AM to AM and on the LAST week that I get to see him before he is gone for a month. I'm hoping that we get to hang out some before he goes.

Caitlin and I went ahead and did our weekly date night that we do on Tuesday nights while her hubs has duty as a volunteer at the fire department. We commuted to work together, so I only had 10 minutes before and after school to get work done. Made me feel like I was running around the school like a crazy person (which I was) during my planning time today. We usually eat cookies and watch chick flicks. Tonight, we switched it up and ate Swiss Cake rolls instead of cookies.

Oh yeah, another thing...

Today, I almost CUT OFF MY THUMB WITH A PAPER CUTTER! Seriously, I think it's every teacher's nightmare to do that. I was really chopping at these short little pieces of paper and my kids were in lab (under supervision from TWO different adults, but you never know with my class)... So anyway back to the blade and my finger. I had my thumb under the blade and SLICE! OUCH!

Now I did say ALMOST cut off my finger. My fingernail kept it from really cutting me too badly. The worst part of the injury is actually the bruising... Scratch that. The WORST part is the trauma of THINKING that I cut my finger off! I just hope my nail doesn't fall off.

Ouch!  Good thing I had a fingernail to take the blow!

It really doesn't look too bad. I put a bandaid on it right afterward and my class was asking me all day if I would take it off and show it to them. :) I guess I should be pretty thankful that I was using the newer dull one and not the huge old sharp ones that look like they could take someone's whole arm off.

Some Optimism

So, I had been trying to email my doctor to come up with a short extension for my plan for treatment, but either she was being unclear or I was because I got so confused! Anyway, I finally scheduled a phone appointment with her and we talked for about 30 minutes today. She was at work at 6:30 on a Friday night when she called me. (I happened to be at work as well, but that's just because I don't have a life... and Doug is out of town this weekend.)

Apparently, my Lupron shot wears off almost a full week before I thought it was going to, but not soon enough to matter for Doug's travel dates. I am going in on Monday or Tuesday this next week to get a ONE month Lupron shot. I think all of the crazy emotion I've been feeling this last little while is my hormone levels changing from my three month shot wearing off. I'm down to about three hot flashes a day instead of more than a dozen. That's good because I think it shows that my system is trying to return back to normal.

We also were able to schedule a follow-up ultrasound in a couple of weeks to make sure that this shot is actually working. If my second shot has worn off by April 1st (meaning no hot flashes), then they will start me on the Clomid again. Clomid isn't a super strong fertility drug, but it should (hopefully) bring my fertility up to what it would be if I didn't have endometriosis.

Of course, there was a disclaimer once again (although now I take them more seriously) that my system may need a "jump start" with some birth control after the Lupron if my brain and ovaries have somehow forgotten how to communicate and need a little push.

So that's my health update! I feel so high maintenance! :)

As far as the classroom, things have been going pretty good. The no-talking mornings were actually pretty nice this week and I'm actually sad to see them go on Monday. I've joked with the other teachers that my kids probably all scared of me right now. I've been acting like some crazy two-headed monster. Every morning I greet my students at the door with a smile and a "Good morning!" :) In the room though if one of them talks, the scary Mrs. "S" comes out. "I said NO TALKING!" and I have this kind of mean/serious look. Sometimes I have to go out into the hall to smile without them seeing me, so I still am taken seriously.

I've been really worried that my students will not enjoy school anymore with this new two-headed monster-ness. Today in my compliment bucket (We do weekly compliments for each other.) there were four different compliments from students all having to do with them liking my smile or how I greet them in the morning. It was nice to know that I haven't crushed their spirits.

Their behavior as a class is SOOOOOO much better after our talks last week. Seriously, I rang the bell this morning to get their attention and they all stopped IMMEDIATELY and listened to directions. The Spanish teacher happened to still be in the room and looked like she was going to faint from disbelief. :)

Doug will be back Saturday night and I get to enjoy him for a WHOLE week before he is off to Thailand for a month. His boss who has traveled extensively and is still happily married offered to let him borrow his sliding scale of travel gifts for the spouse. He has apparently figured out a "tried and true" formula for how much you need to spend on gifts for your wife in relation to how long you will be traveling. I should probably get something good for a full month, right?

Happy FREAKING Birthday to Me!

Doug and I are in Cumberland for the long weekend visiting some friends. It's nice to get away for a little while, but I think I am going to need a more substantial vacation soon. My sister is coming from Utah during my spring break, so I hate to leave while she is here, but I may just need a few days of somewhere else.

So some updates...

Nursery is going a lot better. I've added a little structure (I think) to the program, but I'm not really sure because I don't know what it was like before I got there. We start every day with playdoh, then to puzzles, snack, lesson, coloring, toys, music time, and then bubbles. Unfortunately the other two nursery workers aren't there very often and they don't get subs when they are gone. I guess I can't say too much because I'm out of town this weekend. (But, I did arrange with one of the parents ahead of time to sub for me...) I'm starting to feel like I know what I'm doing and that's nice.

Doug is going to be in Thailand for work the WHOLE month of March. There is a possibility of us living there for a couple years in the future, so he's kind of going out to preview and try it out. I wish my Spring Break would have lined up with his travel because I totally would have gone out there with him for at least two weeks. It's going to be pretty lonely while he's gone, but I've learned to be pretty independent with how often he needs travel for work. If we do move to Thailand for a while it will be nice because I think I will get to see him more often!

The one part about this that REALLY sucks is that March is when my Lupron (menopause inducing) shot finally wears off. I can't get pregnant when my husband is on another continent and there is absolutely no flexibility with his travel dates. It's just yet another roadblock on getting pregnant. I figure I've been trying to get pregnant now for two and a half years now, what's another month? I only cried a few nights. I'm trying to figure out something with my doctor right now because this complicates things.

I'm in a good place right now emotionally about not being pregnant. It's a lot easier for me when I'm on some sort of treatment. There's no monthly roller coaster ride of emotions. I know that I can't get pregnant when I'm on these treatments, so there's no counting days or wondering if I'm pregnant. There's no let down when I get my period. It just makes it easier. To be honest, I'm anxious to go OFF treatment because that means that all of the worry and disappointment will come back.

Pregnant Caitlin and I visiting Laura and Baby Bryson.

My menopause symptoms have become pretty commonplace now. The hot flashes have either gotten better or I've just gotten used to them. I've come up with some ways to be more comfortable during the night even while dealing with the night sweats. I wasn't having any emotional side effects that I could tell until this last Thursday (my 28th birthday).

I've mentioned it before on my blog, but I have some students in my class that are pretty demanding this year. I planned my annual Constitutional Convention on my birthday because I thought it would be exciting to do something out of the ordinary that day. The re-enactment was a little chaotic in the beginning, but I think it went okay. Afterward the kids were all a little wound up and I was going to take them out for an extra recess, but it was rainy outside. I decided to modify my science plans and watch a movie to get them calmed down before I started teaching again. About 5 minutes before the end of the movie, the PRINCIPAL walks into my room to do an informal observation.

I am immediately stressed out because she has been so critical in the past, but I continued with my plans and ATTEMPTED to teach writing. The kids were so disrespectful. They were talking during my whole lesson and there was nothing I could do to regain control. It was awful and the principal just sat in the back of my room scribbling notes down in her little notepad. Oh yeah, and it's MY BIRTHDAY!

I started transitioning into math and had them read for a minute while I passed out homework. When I went to pick up the homework, I noticed that someone had ripped up some of the homework papers?!? I went ahead and started taping them up and then passed them out. We started going over the homework and their behavior still had not improved. If it hadn't been for the administrator sitting in the back of my classroom, we would've had a heart-to-heart right then. My last stitch effort was to try to bring the guilt of, "Hey you guys, it's my birthday and my ONE birthday wish is that you are respectful."

It didn't work.

The principal FINALLY left and I was starting my math lesson by then. I tried to teach my lesson that day with no success, so about 5 minutes in, I split the kids into to groups and had them play comparing fractions war.

If this was all that had happened I might've been okay, but then the assistant principal came into my classroom. I've been dealing with some bullying in my classroom and I have been trying SO hard to catch it and fix it. I've been getting multiple daily emails full of frustration from these parents that are being forwarded to administration as well. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to stop it and yet somehow it still is happening. Then on top of that I had another parent that sent me an email DEMANDING that their child's seat be moved immediately in the classroom. When I didn't respond (it had been less than 24 hours), I received a follow-up email from that same parent demanding to know if the matter "had been taken care of."

And IT'S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!

We were lining up for lunch and the assistant principal is standing there. He tells me that he needs to meet with the suspected bullies directly after lunch. I tell him that I'd like him to just talk to my whole class. Before I know it, my eyes are getting watery and he offers to take them down to lunch. I took him up on his offer and went to the back of the classroom and started sobbing. (It was DEFINITELY the ugly cry!) The kids were still in the room lined up for lunch, but I was facing away from them and they were being so loud that they didn't even notice. (This is the first time in six years of teaching that my class has ever brought me to tears.)

They left and I sat back there trying to pull myself together for the first ten or so minutes of my lunch. I reapplied my make up and headed down the hall to the teacher's lounge to try to enjoy the birthday lunch that my coworkers had bought for me. As soon as I walked in, it was apparent that I was upset and the stupid waterworks started up again. My friend Caitlin had even brought me a special snack of Oreo cookies and milk for my birthday! I just sat there and cried while dipping my Oreos. (I laugh now picturing myself doing this.) I was able to pull it back together and pick my kids up from lunch. I had the assistant principal give them a firm talking to and then I gave them a firm talking to myself. They had indoor recess and then we had a silent reading block.

Unbeknownst to me, one of the other fourth grade teachers that had been witness to my cryout during lunch had told her students that I was having a tough day and it was my birthday. Her class decided to spend their whole recess making me cards. Soon after recess, I got a knock at my door and her students came into my classroom in a long line and each individually handed me a card and wished me a happy birthday. It was very sweet and made me start crying happy tears! :) (Seriously, enough with the crying!)

Doug picked me up after work and we went to Morton's for my birthday. He had made reservations, so they had the menu printed with Happy Birthday (unfortunately they got the date wrong on the menu..) The steaks were really good, but a $150 dinner bill always kills me a little on the inside. We went to the mall afterward, so we wouldn't get stuck in traffic and I bought some shoes. It was all really nice and he was a good listener even though I was trying not to dwell on my tough day.

We were driving home when the family birthday calls started coming in.  I even cried as Doug's sisters sang "Happy Birthday!" over the phone.  I seriously never cry, so I knew something was way off emotionally and figured it had to be some side effects from the Lupron. I decided to put myself to bed as soon as we got home and that did the trick.  The next morning I was much better!

Friday in the classroom went much better as well, but that might be because I didn't allow any talking AT ALL. I spoke to them about bullying and showing respect. We will continue the no talking for all of next week and hopefully I will get my classroom back to the friendly and welcoming atmosphere that I like on the 28th when they will get a second chance.

So that was my 28th birthday.  I guess it's memorable?

Chicken and Gnocchi Soup

Have you ever been to Olive Garden and had their unlimited soup and salad?  The soups are wonderful!  ...the salads, well, they have green stuff so yeah, not too interested in that.

I was at Olive Garden with my sister Heather a while back.  When I talked about how yummy my Gnocchi (pronounced "No-Key") soup was she told me she had the recipe!  She emailed me the recipe and it has now become a regular favorite at my house.  Here is a link to the original recipe that she used.  She gave me instructions and told me some of her personal changes to the recipe.  We both substitute the cream with half and half. Now, Doug and I don't eat out very regularly so I'm not sure how close this is now to the Olive Garden Chicken and Gnocchi, but it sure is tasty. (Doug has since told me that it is BETTER than Olive Garden's version.)

Olive Garden's Chicken and Gnocchi Soup:
-1 rotisserie chicken (roasted and ready from the grocery store)
-1 tbsp. olive oil
-1/2 cup finely chopped carrots
-1/2 cup finely chopped celery
-1/2 cup finely chopped onion
-1 tsp. minced garlic (either fresh or the spice)
-4 cups chicken broth
-1/2 tsp. thyme
-1/2 tsp. parsley
-chopped spinach (as much as you like)
-2 cups half and half
-1 lb. potato gnocchi

1. Start first by picking the rotisserie chicken. (One time I used chopped chicken breast and it just wasn't as good.) If you have a pair thin rubber gloves handy, you could wear them if you don't want greasy hands. I do it without them though. Picking a chicken is an art and I find now that I have the process down, I get finished faster and get more meat. 

Pickings from rotisserie chicken.

2. Next, chop up all of the veggies and saute them in the olive oil until the onions are transparent. I add the garlic at this point as well. (If you're in a hurry, I've found pre-chopped packaging with carrots, celery, and onions in the produce section.)

Chopped carrots, celery, and onion.

3. After that, add the chicken, the chicken broth, the chopped spinach, and the spices and bring that mixture to a boil.

4. Once it is boiling, you can add the potato gnocchi and follow the directions on the packaging for cooking time.

5. The last step is to add the half and half.

All done!  Enjoy!

I think I have made this about a half a dozen times already.  Doug and I both eat as much as we want and we still have enough for leftovers in our lunches the next day. This makes great leftovers!

Sweet (Indirect) Revenge

So, I'm going to do something that I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do in a publicly available website... complain about my boss.  Here it goes anyway...

This week report cards were due on Thursday.  Report cards aren't what they were like when I was growing up.  I still have five different letter grades to give, but there are also a billion little subcategories within each I need to take data for as well.  If it were only those two things, I would've been done during my Teacher Work Day this Monday... but we have COMMENTS.

We are to write individualized narratives on each student.  My comments usually run about 20-25 sentences PER CHILD.  It's a lot of writing and it all seems to mash together in your brain.  Now, I do love each one of my students individually, but when you need to sit down and write that much specific stuff about every child you feel like your brain is going to explode. 

Now don't get me wrong, I think that comments on the report card are a GREAT way to communicate with parents.  The problem is that ours are scrutinized by one of the administrators to the point where the teachers are literally having nervous breakdowns over them and sobbing in the hallways.  Yeah, I'm not joking.  It's bad.  REALLY BAD.

One of our administrators will just glance over them and say, "Great!"  Which honestly sucks because you do need an extra set of eyes.  The other will comb through them and instead of giving you specific critiques, will tell you that they're not good enough and that you need to REDO them.  Now, I haven't had that personally happen to me, but I've seen it happen all around me.

I've worked 14-15 (5am-8pm) hour days this week... no dinner breaks.  Unfortunately even after working all of these hours at school, I was late turning in my monthly citizenship certificates.  I had the names submitted a while back and the certificates just needed a quick signature.

I was on my way to sneak them onto the guidance counselor's desk when the administrator popped out of nowhere and saw the certificates in my hand.  I tried not to make eye contact, but she stopped me and asked incredulously, "Are THOSE citizenship certificates?!?!"  I responded sheepishly, "Uh, yes?"  Then comes the smart-A remark. "You know those are LATE!" (REALLY?) I was tired, completely and utterly overwhelmed, but I responded desperately, "I've been working 14+ hour days this week and It just didn't happen on time."  She turned and stared down at me with this look of complete disgust and said, "You're not the only one!" and then stormed off.

I had JUST HAD IT at that point.  I walked quickly down the hallway, taking deep breaths, and turned the corner to make a copy.  There were two teachers already at the copy machine and I said pretty loudly, "I am so PISSED at ____!" (This is as foul as my language gets for those of you that know my personally, so you KNOW I was upset.)  I was on the verge of tears as I explained to my teacher friends what had happened and they weren't surprised at all.  This administrator has a reputation.

I was able to cool down quickly and put on a big smile for my kids to welcome them in the morning and greet them at the door.  We actually had a really great day.

Then I had to see HER at the faculty meeting after school that day.

At our faculty meetings, we do this compliment thing.  We write compliments on little slips of paper and a few are randomly drawn and read aloud at the meeting.  The remaining ones are delivered to our mailboxes.

I was thinking of a couple people that I could write compliments to and the guidance counselor came to my mind (because she is so awesome, probably).  Anyway, I got this naughty idea in my head... and I wrote it down.

Dear (Guidance Counselor),

THANK YOU for being SO understanding about my citizenship certificates even though they were turned in late this month!

Thanks, Jen :)

Yeah, and it totally was randomly selected to be read OUT LOUD.  I didn't know it at that point, but word of my little run-in that morning had spread to the whole staff.  Just about every teacher in there knew that it was a indirect blow to the person running the meeting.  I had people totally giving me high fives in the hallway after the meeting. :)

I'm so bad.

Free Babysitting?

First off, I'd like to thank all of those that commented on my post, Operation: Nursery.  I am using many of your ideas as I try to add a little structure to the nursery program.

I've done nursery now three times and I feel like I know what I'm doing even less each time I'm there.  My first day doing nursery, I was enthusiastic and ready to make it all work.  I came home afterward and made the little schedule cards below, I googled for fun ideas, read nursery blogs, and even researched the developmental milestones for the ages of the children I would be working with. 

My second week in nursery happened... and not at all as I had planned.  The schedule cards that I had fun making are at the bottom of my nursery bag and still have yet to make an appearance.  Now after my third week, I'm not even sure I will use them at all.  It seems like all of our time is spent just trying to keep the little ones from crying.

After a month in my calling, I've now met and talked to the other two nursery teachers.  One is a college student and the other is a newlywed.  All three of us were there today for the first time.  I think they've both been doing nursery for about the last year or so.  Both are very nice, but they seem pretty quiet right now and it makes the two hours there pretty lonely.

Nursery doesn't seem like it should be all that challenging.  I don't have to spend hours preparing a lesson.  My class doesn't text or complain.  We get snack and play time!  It shouldn't be that hard.  The manual for nursery is wonderful.  The lesson on prayer today had some great interactive ideas.  I loved all of the ideas and was completely prepped before nursery today.  I really thought it would go well.

In my work as a teacher, I am constantly looking at the facial expressions of my class to be able to direct my lesson.  I use their reactions and participation to gauge interest and understanding.  Today I got a bunch of blank stares, drooling, and crying.  I don't feel like I have super high expectation for them, but it was really hard to even teach a lesson for five minutes.  Right now, I'm trying to adjust my expectations to their age group and figure out what will get their attention and participation.

Trying to structure two and three year olds seems kind of like herding cats at this point.  My ideas for organization and structure keep fading away each week I am there.  Next week, I will get to see someone else teach a lesson for the first time, so I am really interested to see what works and get more ideas. 

I'm trying not to get discouraged about the calling, but I feel like I'm starting to think about this calling as it seems everyone else does... as free babysitting.

Side Effects

So the hot flashes started last week... I was teaching and I suddenly felt my face get flushed like I was embarrassed. It's not anything severe, but definitely noticeable. They last for only a few seconds and I usually have maybe a dozen or so a day. I don't even know if my face turns red. My students haven't said anything about it, but I've felt like a broken record the last week, so I'm not even sure they're looking at me or into outerspace...

I've also been waking up several times a night. It really pretty impossible to get too warm in my house, seeing that we turn the thermostat down to 60 during the night, but it happens to me several times a night. I've always been freezing cold while I sleep. I used to wear a huge sweatshirt to bed and turn my heater blanket way up. Now, I'm in a T-shirt, my heater blanket is on low, and I usually drink 1-2 full water bottles each night. I see why my doctor said it was a good thing to go through this in the wintertime. :)

The best side effect though, is that I have no pain at all in my right side!

I was a little worried in the beginning that the shot would be ineffective like the birth control was and I would just be wasting more time, but I guess completely shutting down your estrogen shuts down the endometriosis as well. I'm definitely missing my estrogen though. My hair and nails have become really brittle and break easily. Hopefully everything returns to normal whenever this shot wears off.

I still have a ways to go, but these side effects make me feel a little bit more confident that this medicine is working.

Operation: Nursery

So, I've been serving as the Sunbeams (3-4 year-olds) teacher at church since January of 2011.  I've really enjoyed working with the Sunbeams and seeing them grow and change so quickly throughout the year.  It really has been one of my favorite callings to date.  The week before Christmas, they asked me to go work in the nursery as I was originally called back at the beginning of 2011.  There were two other nursery workers that were already there, so I was just added in for some extra help.  I have absolutely no experience in nursery, so the primary president gave me the manual, took me on the grand tour, and kind of introduced me to what they do in nursery.

Fast forward two weeks to today... my first Sunday in nursery.  I kind of assumed since I was the new one to nursery that I didn't really need to plan anything, but that I would just show up and "learn the ropes" from the two other veteran teachers.

Whenever I was asked to do nursery, the primary president was specific about being there on time, so that the parents could drop and then get to their meetings and/or callings, SO I headed RIGHT out of sacrament meeting after the closing prayer and was waiting in the room for the two other nursery leader to get there.

Well, one kid shows up... and its just me... then two, three, four kids... still no other teacher... five, six, seven (that parent opted out)... still no other teachers.  So yep, my first Sunday in nursery it was just. me.  I had no plans, no snack, and no idea how anything worked.  They got a sub to come at the last minute and the kids ate some old pretzels and raisins that we found in the cupboard.  We didn't really have a lesson.  Most kids just sat and played and others waited crying at the door for their parents to return.

So next week, I'm coming prepared.  I don't do a half job of anything and I intend to put my best effort forth into making this calling work.  I mean, I work with children for a living, these kids shouldn't be THAT much different from my fourth graders, right??

Just kidding, I know it will be a lot different, but I'm going to try to do my best.

The first thing I want to do is start routines and add structure.  We have the kids in there for almost two hours, so I figure that time needs to be split up.  There are nine kids on the roll and three teachers, so it is all very doable.

I've been online looking for ideas and there are tons of great ones out there.   I just wanted to hear any practical experience/advice that anyone has to give me.