Sweet (Indirect) Revenge

So, I'm going to do something that I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do in a publicly available website... complain about my boss.  Here it goes anyway...

This week report cards were due on Thursday.  Report cards aren't what they were like when I was growing up.  I still have five different letter grades to give, but there are also a billion little subcategories within each I need to take data for as well.  If it were only those two things, I would've been done during my Teacher Work Day this Monday... but we have COMMENTS.

We are to write individualized narratives on each student.  My comments usually run about 20-25 sentences PER CHILD.  It's a lot of writing and it all seems to mash together in your brain.  Now, I do love each one of my students individually, but when you need to sit down and write that much specific stuff about every child you feel like your brain is going to explode. 

Now don't get me wrong, I think that comments on the report card are a GREAT way to communicate with parents.  The problem is that ours are scrutinized by one of the administrators to the point where the teachers are literally having nervous breakdowns over them and sobbing in the hallways.  Yeah, I'm not joking.  It's bad.  REALLY BAD.

One of our administrators will just glance over them and say, "Great!"  Which honestly sucks because you do need an extra set of eyes.  The other will comb through them and instead of giving you specific critiques, will tell you that they're not good enough and that you need to REDO them.  Now, I haven't had that personally happen to me, but I've seen it happen all around me.

I've worked 14-15 (5am-8pm) hour days this week... no dinner breaks.  Unfortunately even after working all of these hours at school, I was late turning in my monthly citizenship certificates.  I had the names submitted a while back and the certificates just needed a quick signature.

I was on my way to sneak them onto the guidance counselor's desk when the administrator popped out of nowhere and saw the certificates in my hand.  I tried not to make eye contact, but she stopped me and asked incredulously, "Are THOSE citizenship certificates?!?!"  I responded sheepishly, "Uh, yes?"  Then comes the smart-A remark. "You know those are LATE!" (REALLY?) I was tired, completely and utterly overwhelmed, but I responded desperately, "I've been working 14+ hour days this week and It just didn't happen on time."  She turned and stared down at me with this look of complete disgust and said, "You're not the only one!" and then stormed off.

I had JUST HAD IT at that point.  I walked quickly down the hallway, taking deep breaths, and turned the corner to make a copy.  There were two teachers already at the copy machine and I said pretty loudly, "I am so PISSED at ____!" (This is as foul as my language gets for those of you that know my personally, so you KNOW I was upset.)  I was on the verge of tears as I explained to my teacher friends what had happened and they weren't surprised at all.  This administrator has a reputation.

I was able to cool down quickly and put on a big smile for my kids to welcome them in the morning and greet them at the door.  We actually had a really great day.

Then I had to see HER at the faculty meeting after school that day.

At our faculty meetings, we do this compliment thing.  We write compliments on little slips of paper and a few are randomly drawn and read aloud at the meeting.  The remaining ones are delivered to our mailboxes.

I was thinking of a couple people that I could write compliments to and the guidance counselor came to my mind (because she is so awesome, probably).  Anyway, I got this naughty idea in my head... and I wrote it down.

Dear (Guidance Counselor),

THANK YOU for being SO understanding about my citizenship certificates even though they were turned in late this month!

Thanks, Jen :)

Yeah, and it totally was randomly selected to be read OUT LOUD.  I didn't know it at that point, but word of my little run-in that morning had spread to the whole staff.  Just about every teacher in there knew that it was a indirect blow to the person running the meeting.  I had people totally giving me high fives in the hallway after the meeting. :)

I'm so bad.

Free Babysitting?

First off, I'd like to thank all of those that commented on my post, Operation: Nursery.  I am using many of your ideas as I try to add a little structure to the nursery program.

I've done nursery now three times and I feel like I know what I'm doing even less each time I'm there.  My first day doing nursery, I was enthusiastic and ready to make it all work.  I came home afterward and made the little schedule cards below, I googled for fun ideas, read nursery blogs, and even researched the developmental milestones for the ages of the children I would be working with. 

My second week in nursery happened... and not at all as I had planned.  The schedule cards that I had fun making are at the bottom of my nursery bag and still have yet to make an appearance.  Now after my third week, I'm not even sure I will use them at all.  It seems like all of our time is spent just trying to keep the little ones from crying.

After a month in my calling, I've now met and talked to the other two nursery teachers.  One is a college student and the other is a newlywed.  All three of us were there today for the first time.  I think they've both been doing nursery for about the last year or so.  Both are very nice, but they seem pretty quiet right now and it makes the two hours there pretty lonely.

Nursery doesn't seem like it should be all that challenging.  I don't have to spend hours preparing a lesson.  My class doesn't text or complain.  We get snack and play time!  It shouldn't be that hard.  The manual for nursery is wonderful.  The lesson on prayer today had some great interactive ideas.  I loved all of the ideas and was completely prepped before nursery today.  I really thought it would go well.

In my work as a teacher, I am constantly looking at the facial expressions of my class to be able to direct my lesson.  I use their reactions and participation to gauge interest and understanding.  Today I got a bunch of blank stares, drooling, and crying.  I don't feel like I have super high expectation for them, but it was really hard to even teach a lesson for five minutes.  Right now, I'm trying to adjust my expectations to their age group and figure out what will get their attention and participation.

Trying to structure two and three year olds seems kind of like herding cats at this point.  My ideas for organization and structure keep fading away each week I am there.  Next week, I will get to see someone else teach a lesson for the first time, so I am really interested to see what works and get more ideas. 

I'm trying not to get discouraged about the calling, but I feel like I'm starting to think about this calling as it seems everyone else does... as free babysitting.

Side Effects

So the hot flashes started last week... I was teaching and I suddenly felt my face get flushed like I was embarrassed. It's not anything severe, but definitely noticeable. They last for only a few seconds and I usually have maybe a dozen or so a day. I don't even know if my face turns red. My students haven't said anything about it, but I've felt like a broken record the last week, so I'm not even sure they're looking at me or into outerspace...

I've also been waking up several times a night. It really pretty impossible to get too warm in my house, seeing that we turn the thermostat down to 60 during the night, but it happens to me several times a night. I've always been freezing cold while I sleep. I used to wear a huge sweatshirt to bed and turn my heater blanket way up. Now, I'm in a T-shirt, my heater blanket is on low, and I usually drink 1-2 full water bottles each night. I see why my doctor said it was a good thing to go through this in the wintertime. :)

The best side effect though, is that I have no pain at all in my right side!

I was a little worried in the beginning that the shot would be ineffective like the birth control was and I would just be wasting more time, but I guess completely shutting down your estrogen shuts down the endometriosis as well. I'm definitely missing my estrogen though. My hair and nails have become really brittle and break easily. Hopefully everything returns to normal whenever this shot wears off.

I still have a ways to go, but these side effects make me feel a little bit more confident that this medicine is working.

Operation: Nursery

So, I've been serving as the Sunbeams (3-4 year-olds) teacher at church since January of 2011.  I've really enjoyed working with the Sunbeams and seeing them grow and change so quickly throughout the year.  It really has been one of my favorite callings to date.  The week before Christmas, they asked me to go work in the nursery as I was originally called back at the beginning of 2011.  There were two other nursery workers that were already there, so I was just added in for some extra help.  I have absolutely no experience in nursery, so the primary president gave me the manual, took me on the grand tour, and kind of introduced me to what they do in nursery.

Fast forward two weeks to today... my first Sunday in nursery.  I kind of assumed since I was the new one to nursery that I didn't really need to plan anything, but that I would just show up and "learn the ropes" from the two other veteran teachers.

Whenever I was asked to do nursery, the primary president was specific about being there on time, so that the parents could drop and then get to their meetings and/or callings, SO I headed RIGHT out of sacrament meeting after the closing prayer and was waiting in the room for the two other nursery leader to get there.

Well, one kid shows up... and its just me... then two, three, four kids... still no other teacher... five, six, seven (that parent opted out)... still no other teachers.  So yep, my first Sunday in nursery it was just. me.  I had no plans, no snack, and no idea how anything worked.  They got a sub to come at the last minute and the kids ate some old pretzels and raisins that we found in the cupboard.  We didn't really have a lesson.  Most kids just sat and played and others waited crying at the door for their parents to return.

So next week, I'm coming prepared.  I don't do a half job of anything and I intend to put my best effort forth into making this calling work.  I mean, I work with children for a living, these kids shouldn't be THAT much different from my fourth graders, right??

Just kidding, I know it will be a lot different, but I'm going to try to do my best.

The first thing I want to do is start routines and add structure.  We have the kids in there for almost two hours, so I figure that time needs to be split up.  There are nine kids on the roll and three teachers, so it is all very doable.

I've been online looking for ideas and there are tons of great ones out there.   I just wanted to hear any practical experience/advice that anyone has to give me.

Happy Holidays!

Doug and I rotate the major holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas between his family and my family.  This year Doug and I flew out to Utah to spend Thanksgiving at his parents' place and then stayed local to have Christmas at my family's new house.   It was weird not being at the old house, but as you can see it's unavailable while under a bit of construction.

My dad (who is 60) has been doing ALL of the work on his OWN.  I think he should just pay someone already!

While we were out in Utah, I got to see my grandparents and do a cousin's dinner.  I was looking through some cupboards at my grandma's house when I stumbled upon a cabinet full of photo albums.  Unfortunately, my time there was limited so I didn't get to stay and listen to as many stories as I would have liked, but I did snap a few pictures of pictures.  Here are a few of my favorites...

This is a picture of my grandpa (third from the left) playing football in junior high.

This picture is of my grandparents (couple on left) at some swank restaurant called the Moulin Rouge in Hollywood, California.

I LOVED all the stories that my grandma told me and I hope to be able to take an extended trip out this summer to be able to scan in these images and write down the many family stories that go with them.  While I was out in Utah, I got to see my adorable niece, Eva... and my sister Kierstan too.  Eva is such a good baby!

Eva, Me, and Kier (LOVE Eva's shirt by the way!)

 After visiting with my grandparents, we were able to spend the rest of the time up north with Doug's family.  We had a blast playing laser tag, making gingerbread houses, eating a yummy Thanksgiving dinner, getting some family pictures taken, and basically just doing fun family time things.

Our gingerbread house was AWESOME this year!

We took some pictures in front of the tree at Doug's parents' house while we were in Utah for Thanksgiving.

So onto Christmas...

It was weird being in the new house, but it was still a fun Christmas.  My dad changed things up and it was basically chaos.  Instead of having an order with one person opening at a time, he just started tossing gifts in every direction.  Heather and her family were able to come up and join us as well.  It was pretty crazy having Christmas in the morning and then needing to get everyone ready for church, but we had to make it on time considering that church was only an hour block instead of the usual three hour block.

Here's the list of what Doug and I got for each other.

 

What Doug gave Jenny:

Hoover Windtunnel vacuum cleaner

External flash for my Nikon

Remote for my Nikon

What Jenny gave Doug:

<--- Leather recliner for reading

Folding table to work on computers

Rudolph Ornament Set --->

Here are a few pictures that I've taken so far with my external flash.  We set up a sort of "studio" at the bottom of the stairs.  You can see the remote in the the hands of some of the kids.  They thought it was pretty cool to be able to take their own pictures.  At this point, I'm just messing with the settings so I can try to get the hang of it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

High-Jacked

So some crazy, negative chick high on Lupron, who complains a lot, high-jacked my blog and changed it to this new darn "enhanced" look with no gadgets on the sidebar. It's too much of a pain to change it back to the way it was, so I'm just going to have to deal with until it improves. She also changed my Facebook over to timeline!

Yeah, well besides having multiple personalities, I'm doing well. I got all of my Christmas shopping basically done this Saturday online and a little in the stores. My credit card got rejected because apparently shopping at two online retailers (Barnes & Noble and Amazon), filling my car with gas, and then going grocery shopping is a sign of fraud. I guess I need to shop more.

I hope this school week goes fast. No one wants to be there (and that includes the teachers). I'm looking forward to sleeping in for several days in a row. After school is out, I have a couple different get-togethers planned with a couple different high school friends. Besides that, I don't really have much planned for my break. Maybe I should start contacting contractors to put the build-in in the front room... Or buy the crown molding for the front two rooms.. Or paint the kitchen and family room... Or...eh, I'll probably do nothing.

Lupron

So two weeks ago, I went in to get the DepoLupron shot.  Yes, the one that is supposed to put me through a temporary menopause.  I was going to get it the Monday before Thanksgiving, but my stupid brain got all hopeful that I got pregnant my ONE whole month off of birth control.

Getting my period feels like serious punishment after all that hope. Especially when it was a whole three days late and I had caved and gotten on the stupid Baby Center due date calculator the night before. (Would've been an August 9th due date if you were wondering.) The first day is pretty terrible both physically and emotionally.   Now for those of you that know me outside of my blog, you know I am not one for drama.  I don't really cry.  I rarely take pain pills and NEVER take sick days.  I'm just not one of those high maintenance or emotional gals.  The only time I really cry is sometimes when I'm watching TV.

Whenever I researched endometriosis online, everyone wrote on the message boards about how much terrible pain they were in and I always thought Lucky me, I'm glad I don't have THAT type of endometriosis.  Well it turns out that my luck is no more.  After the month of November when I wasn't on any form of treatment, the first day of my period was pretty terrible.  That Saturday I was curled up in bed, crying, and grasping at my right side.  "Doctor Doug" made sure that I was comfortable with a heating pad, pain pills, and food when I was up for it.  Luckily, the severe pain really only lasts that first day.  Throughout the month though, I get these short stabbing pains in my right back side that last anywhere from 2-10 seconds.  Sometimes they knock the breath right out of me and I have to stop whatever I am doing.  Other times, I just grimace and it is over as quickly as it begun.

So about this shot...  As soon as I got my period, I was ready to get it like yesterday.  I called up my nurse and they were able to give it to me that Monday right after school.  The good news was that they were able to give me the time-release one that is three months worth of medicine in one shot, rather than going in three different times and paying three separate $30 co-pays.  With all the research that I did on the darn drug, nothing told me that I was going to get a shot in my hip.  Ouch!  At the doctor's office when I got into the room, I started pulling up my sleeves when the nurse kindly gave me the bad news that it would need to go in my hip.  I decided to stand for it, but I guess I didn't do a good job at relaxing because I was limping around for about 24 hours afterward with some sore muscles.

As far as side effects, I really think I have lucked out.  For the first week and a half, I was getting constant canker sores on the inside of my mouth on the gums between my teeth and my lips.  It hurt to smile and eat, but I was just thankful that it was inside my mouth and not on my face.  (Fourth graders are still learning that it is impolite to ask someone why they have a big ugly sore on their face.)  About three or so days in, I felt really depressed, but Doug was out of town (once again) and I was probably just missing him.  I don't think I've gotten any hot flashes yet.  I've been waking up in the middle of the night because I'm warm, but I think it's just because I've been turning my heater blanket up too high.  I also get noticeably hungry faster, but besides that I'm pretty sure I've just been normal me.  The side effect that I am hoping for is for these pains in my right side to go away... and of course, eventually pregnancy.

I'm turning 28 in February.  Doug and I will have been married for 7 years this May.  I'm really thankful that we've gotten this time to ourselves to work out the kinks and to get to know each other even better.  Maybe we needed it?  My problem is that I keep on waiting for my life, my REAL one to begin.  The one where Doug and I get to have cute family pictures to send in Christmas newsletters, where I get to pick up and drop off kids at practices, where I check over homework and help with ridiculous science fair projects... all that tedious stuff that moms sometimes complain about.  I see the little ones in church snuggling up to their mothers, crying mommy when they fall down, holding their hand when they walk.  I want it all so bad. 

This isn't the life that I thought I would be living, not even close.  But it's mine.

The "M" Word

It's been about three weeks since I've turned on my desktop computer.  Right now it's on because I'm updating my iPad.  I'm hoping the new update will allow me to post on blogger.

Anyway, I guess I'll update you on my life while my iPad is updating.

School is going well.  My kids are starting to get along and I have really great parent support this year.  I had a student that never showed up and a student that moved, so I'm down to 25 students, WO HOO!!  Shhh!  Don't tell anyone at my school.  I'm pretty sure it's a whole two students lower than any of the other fourth grade classrooms.  I guess that just means I'll get the first new student, but I'll just count myself lucky for now.

On the health/getting pregnant front... Well things are not what I wanted them to be.  On Halloween, I finished the last of the birth control prescription that my doctor put me on a few months ago to treat the endometriosis.  I got an ultrasound a week ago to check on everything and yesterday I had an appointment scheduled to discuss it all.  I was pretty excited for my appointment because I figured my doctor would be giving me the thumbs up for trying to get pregnant.  I was already dreaming of a late summer/early fall due date.  Silly me.

Well, I get in there and it turns out that my ultrasound was not good.  They're not exactly sure, but it looks like I still have an endometrioma on my right ovary that looks to be about 3 centimeters.  That's a lot better than the 10 centimeters that it was pre-surgery, but I'm pretty sure they were hoping for 0 centimeters.  The birth control I was on for three straight months didn't do what it was supposed to do.  Time wasted.  Now that I'm off birth control, things are untreated and it will just get worse every month.

I'm sitting there trying to figure out what all of this means.  Then my doctor asks me,

"Well it all depends on if you want a baby now or later?"

Tears are starting to form and I'm trying so hard to keep everything together.  "YES, I want a baby now.  I've been going through this now for over two years.  I want a baby yesterday."

She looks at me with a sad face and hands me a tissue.  Then, she turns over a piece of paper and starts making a little t-chart.  On the top of the t-chart are two headings "Baby Now" and "Baby Later."  She starts with the "Baby Later" side...

Option 1: There's a drug called Depo Lupron.  Its kind of like the Depo-Provera shot that women get for birth control except basically the exact opposite.  Depo makes a woman's body believe that she is pregnant by mimicking hormones that the placenta releases during pregnancy.  Lupron would make me go through a temporary MENOPAUSE, with hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings... all that fun stuff.  The treatment would take about 2-3 months depending on it's effectiveness, and THEN she'd put me on Clomid (a fertility drug) and we'd try to get pregnant right away.  She said that this medicine is very effective and that the endometrioma would go away.  Great... another 3 months of waiting...

Option 2: Now to the "Baby Now" side which I was hoping would be a lot better.  She basically said that we COULD try now, but she's not sure if I could even get pregnant.  When the endometriosis is bad, I can't get pregnant.  She doesn't know how bad it is right now.  You can't see endometriosis with an ultrasound.  The risks are not good.  There's a chance that the endometrioma could grow back again without treatment and I would be in the operating room again in a few months.  If we do this option, I will need to be closely monitored with ultrasounds 1-2 times monthly.

Decisions, decisions...

I talked to Doug about it when I got home.  Even though he was very weary of the Lupron, he didn't even hesitate to go with the "Baby Later" side.  He is first and foremost concerned about my health.  Ugh, figures!  It turns out my problem is that I want a baby more than I don't want to have surgery again.  The Depo Lupron seems pretty extreme (and scary) to both of us, but we want to make SURE that there is an endometrioma in there before I start taking it.

Right now, we're just going to try to get a better idea of things.  My doctor is having me schedule an MRI so she can get a better look at everything and we're going to do another ultrasound in about a week.  The problem is that they can't tell what is my ovary and what is the endometrioma.  Hopefully the MRI will clear up that up.

I'm praying right now that what they THINK is an endometrioma is just my ovary looking nice and plump and ready to make a baby.