The Name Game

So, our little girl needs to have a name... I've always loved long family names with stories behind them, but I was kind of striking out. I loved many of the names of our little girl's aunts and great aunts, but there are so many of them that most of the names I liked are taken! This little girl will have 9 aunts! Combined with the fact that I've been teaching for 7 years, there were a lot of names put on the chopping block.

Luckily, the one thing that Doug and I have agreed on is that traditional names and Biblical names sound great to both of us. We were set for boy names. I really liked the name Luke Douglas. (and I still plan on using it for any name stealers out there. :P) My dad was already ready to say in his best Darth Vader voice, "chhh, Luke, I am your grandfather!"

Doug has had this mini obsession with Catholicism ever since his site seeing trip to the Vatican about a month ago while he was in Europe, so he put out there that he liked the name Mary. I like it too, but I'm not sure how well I like it with our last name. She might get some "Mary had a Little Lamb" jokes.

Recently, the name that I've fallen in love with is Leah.

Hopefully, I can find a good family middle name to pair it with. Maybe I'll be more sure once we get closer to her due date, but at this point I want to have my options open with a few names. I have this worry that I'll see her and think, "She's not a Leah!"

Now the only question is, do you think Leah will want a pink or purple room???? :)

New Family Treasure

Doug has family down near Richmond that we started visiting more frequently about 2 years ago. When grandma was diagnosed with cancer, she went to go live with Al and Leslie. Al is a doctor and Leslie is a nurse, so grandma was in good hands. Two years later, there hasn't been much of an improvement in grandma's health, but I have been able to get to know Doug's family better through our visits south.

Al and Leslie have several grandchildren and a Al has a very unique hobby. He finds antique woodworking tools and restores them. He has handcrafted several different things, but one of his specialties are cradles that he has made for his grandchildren. I never thought that I would even be considered for such a treasure, but the last time Doug went down to visit (I was unfortunately unable to go.) he came back with this...

A hand-made, custom designed mahogany cradle made especially for us. You can only imagine the all of the balling I did upon seeing this in my living room.

Sharing the News with my Class! :)

I had been doing parent conferences the first two weeks of November and I was hiding my pregnancy pretty well (or so I thought!). I wanted to tell everyone at the same time. About a week or so before Thanksgiving, I had started to show pretty obviously and had somehow made it into the PTO gossip ring at my school. I decided that it was time to tell my class.

I decided that I was going to ditch the loose clothes and go for belly-hugging shirts starting the Monday the week before Thanksgiving. We had our American Education Week activity that Thursday and my plan was to tell my students in the morning, so that they could tell their parents when they came for the activity before lunch.

I didn't really know how to tell a bunch of 9-10 year olds that I was knocked up, so I was hoping that with all the hints in my clothing that week they would be able to guess. We had just had a guidance lesson and the class was settled down pretty well. I started by saying that I had some exciting news to share with them.

Several bounced up and down in their seats and one yelled, "It's Jeanmarie's (one of my students) birthday!" I responded, "Yes, it IS Jeanmarie's birthday and that is incredibly special, but I wanted to share some NEW news with you." Another student exclaimed, "You finished organizing the bookshelves!!" And several smiling heads bobbed up and down in agreement.

I responded once again, "Yes, that IS right as well, BUT this is something NEW about ME!" I look at at my students and see some rather baffled faces. I then turn in profile and start rubbing my obviously protruding belly in desperation. There are some audible gasps in the classroom and I hear one girl whisper to another, "Hey, you're not supposed to say that!!" And then the hands start to gradually go up. I called on one little girl who seemed to have it figured out. "Ella?"

She stood up at her desk and exclaimed, "You're going to have a baby!?"

I answered in the affirmative and then the class erupted!

There were several shocked faces. One kid yelled, "I knew it, but my mom said I shouldn't say anything!" Others hugged one another and ran around giving high fives. Several came up to hug me, and a very few just sat there and pondered it over. It was complete pandemonium. :)

We had a question and answer session for about 10-15 minutes afterward to get all of the excitement out. Several questions were centered around whether or not I would name the baby after them. :) (The class has centered around the names Rufus?!? and Isabelle.) Others wanted to know with sad faces if this meant that I would be leaving them. Luckily all comments and questions were appropriate and there was only a little talk in between two boys about how they would be learning all about it in Family Life Education this year and they didn't want to because it was "disgusting!"

They asked me if I could feel the baby yet and at that point it hadn't been too regular, but I did tell them that the baby could hear them. (I had just read about it on my babycenter update.) They immediately jumped out of their seats waving and started yelling, "Hi Baby! Hi Baby!" Over and over again. One of them asked, "Do you think the baby is learning what we are learning?" Before I could answer, another exclaimed, "The baby must really know their multiplication facts!" They've been quizzing her since. "Baby? What's 0 x 1? Did you hear that? She didn't answer because she already knows its zero! She's a genius already!"

My class this year has truly been a blessing! They are extremely well-behaved and all around good, sweet kids. Now that they know, I find many of them speaking directly to my belly instead of to me, I get hugs from a couple of them with belly rubs in the morning saying, "Good morning Baby!"

It's all very sweet and exciting and I'm glad that I get to share this special time with them.

Good Luck Charm

There is an optional ultrasound that you can get done around 12 weeks called the Nuchal Translucency Test. It is basically a detailed ultrasound where they look at the thickness of the skin on the back of the baby's neck along with other data from blood work to determine the chances for downs and trisomy.

I decided to go ahead and opt for this test mostly because I wanted Doug to be able to see an ultrasound of the baby. There is a very strict window of dates during your pregnancy that they need to schedule it for and Doug had only been back from his travels for 48 hours whenever we had the appointment.

I still wasn't showing too much at this point, but as soon as the tech put the little ultrasound transceiver thing on my belly, I could see a BABY in there with a face and hands and everything!!! I know it's a silly thing to say, but before in earlier ultrasounds the baby looked more similar to a kidney bean than a baby.

The ultrasound tech was great and took her time to show us a lot of great shots of the baby. After a while of her scanning, I said something to the point of, "Will we get to see the baby move?" She replied that she would be waking the baby up in a second, but that she was still taking some measurements. Immediately after the tech said that, but before she jostled the baby, the baby started stretching out and moving around. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget! I hope our little girlie is as good of a listener outside of the womb as she has been inside!

I asked out of curiosity if they could do 3D ultrasounds and the next thing I knew, the tech switched wands and image changed to 3D. I could see the baby's fingers and even her cute little butt! The tech then gave us a DVD with captured video from the 3D ultrasound! Afterward, we went to speak with the doctor who reviewed our results and told us that our chances for downs or trisomy were as low as they possibly could be!

It was a good visit! :)

We decided to go to Capital Grille, this crazy expensive steak place in Tyson's Corner, to celebrate. The waitresses seated us in this awesome corner booth where we could sit next to each other and talk. It was perfect! When our waiter came to the table, he asked us if we were celebrating anything in particular that night and I of course pulled out my long stream of ultrasound pictures. :) Several of the wait staff came by to congratulate us and ooh'ed and ahh'ed over our little baby.

Doug and I usually dine on the cheap if we decide to eat out at all, but this particular night we ordered lobster bisque soup, side dishes, and the tastiest looking steaks we could choose irregardless of the price. We were enjoying our soup and Doug was telling me all about his travels in Europe when we noticed this huge party of expensively dressed execs filling up the party room directly next to us. There was a man nearby talking to the manager that seemed to be in charge of the party that kept on eying our table. I whispered to Doug, "I think he's coveting our table."

Not 10 minutes later, our waiter came over extremely apologetically and asked us if we might be able to move to a different table, so that the overflow guests from the party might sit there. We would have happily moved anyway, but then he said that the gentleman hosting the party had asked if he could pay for our meal to express his thanks. UM YES! We had already accumulated over a $150 dollar dinner bill for just the two of us without even ordering dessert.

..we got dessert. :)

This little girl is my good luck charm!

Here are her ultrasound images from 12 weeks 6 days.

Morning Sickness

I have to do a little backtracking on my blogging because I waited so long to go "public," but I wanted to share a few stories from earlier in my pregnancy.

About a week or so after we found out that I was pregnant, Doug found out that he was going to need to take a last minute trip to Germany for work for the next 5 1/2 weeks! Yuck!

A couple of days after he left, the morning sickness started to kick in. I was really bummed because my mom was one of those lucky people that did not experience morning sickness with any of her kajillion pregnancies. My morning sickness was a slight annoyance at first with just some minor nauseous feelings, but I was surviving just fine. About a week in (the first week of school coincidentally) the "morning" sickness started to get worse. It got to the point where I was puking almost daily in the shower and during my 45 minute morning commute. Luckily at school I just felt queasy and only had to step out of the classroom about a half a dozen times or so a day to pull myself together. I would then leave school ASAP and end up puking on the way home.

It was during this time that I ended up telling my principal I was pregnant because she wouldn't leave me the heck alone over my plans not being done. I was about ready to chew her out, so it was a good thing I told her. :) I don't think that I was necessarily hormonal... I just didn't feel good about 16 hours of the day every day and it made me not a happy or very nice person.

My class was wonderful during this time and an absolute blessing. I was sure they were wondering what in the heck was wrong with me. Sometimes I would randomly stop teaching in the middle of the lesson and walk out of the classroom or just sit at my desk with a trashcan between my legs and ask them to read for a couple minutes. No questions asked. They just went a long with it! My class should be sainted.

My house became a total disaster. I had been forcing myself to eat breakfast every morning, but when I couldn't finish it, I would leave whatever it was on the floor for Darwin to eat. (Here cat, have some oatmeal.) Darwin doesn't even eat people food, so I ended up having an accumulation of eggs and cereal bowls collecting on my kitchen floor! Yeah, haha it was a sight to see! :)

It turned out that the time difference between Germany and the United States was a lot less convenient than Thailand and Doug and I were only able to actually talk about 1-2 times a week. It sucked and I complained a lot. Glad that's over with.

I finally caved and asked for the anti-nausea medication that my doctor offered. It helped take the edge off of some of the sickness and return some of my functionality. I was able to get my house picked up enough to host a dinner with my family for my brother in law, Jon, to visit on his way to the Middle East for 6 months. It really helped me keep the 5 1/2 weeks that I was complaining about in perspective.

It was during this time that I took my first belly shots. The first in the red shirt was at 6 weeks (I think I was probably pushing my belly out in excitement. Haha!) and the other one was around 9 weeks. I also got two early ultrasounds. One at around 7 weeks and then one at 9 weeks to officially date the pregnancy. (When I called to tell my doctor I was pregnant, I could hear her jumping for joy on the other end of the phone, so she prematurely scheduled my first appointment a little early resulting in the next one being only 2 weeks later.) The picture I posted is of the nine week ultrasound. I was fortunate enough to hear the heartbeat both times.

Baby Stuff?!?

I was very hesitant to start looking at baby stuff this time around. Last time, when I had my miscarriage, I had been a big dummy and made a registry the day after I found out that I was pregnant. I kept on getting reminder emails afterward and it was incredibly painful.

This time I waited until I was around 20 weeks to even start looking. Holy crap! There is A LOT of baby stuff...cribs, bouncers, car seats, gliders, changing tables, bibs, strollers... the list goes on and on! I started over Thanksgiving break and was becoming completely overwhelmed. Not only was I concerned about the financial impossibility of purchasing all of these items, but I also wanted to get good stuff that I would need and actually use.

I delved into all of the research and read hundreds of reviews on everything from strollers to baby spoons. I thought I would feel better, but it all felt so complicated. How did women do this whole parenting thing before bathtub rubber ducky thermometers and video baby monitors?

I want a stroller, but I know that I'll probably end up getting one of those simple umbrella strollers eventually so why should I invest in something that is so bulky that I'll use for such a short time? Answer: infant stroller that will work as a jogging stroller. Problem: the one I want is cheaper and everyone talks about how the straps get tangled up in the infant car seat. Is that a deal breaker?

What about getting a breast pump? Oh man, are those things expensive!!! I'll be staying home, but I want to introduce a bottle and allow Doug some bonding time with our little girl. I also think that it might be nice to be able to just take a bottle out in public instead of yanking my boobs out all the time. What if Doug and I are lucky enough to have a date night and my parents are baby sitting?

Do I really need a bouncer, a swing, a play mat, etc? I hear and read conflicting views about how, "The bouncer saved my life!" Or "My daughter was never really interested in the swing." I don't know what my little girl will prefer.

Don't even get me started on nursery colors!

I was at my wits end with baby stuff and about ready to give up on it all when I grabbed Doug's baby book off the top of our bookshelf in the bedroom one morning. I only needed to flip through the first couple of pages to feel better. Doug was a BYU baby and his parents were POOR college students when he was born. They had basically nothing and he turned out just fine!

I don't need to worry about all of this stuff! It will all be OKAY. Any helpful advice about baby things though would definitely be appreciated. :)

I took some grainy pictures of some pictures in Doug's baby book with my iPad, so I will leave those with you.

Paradigm Shift

Right now I'm home sick from school with some sort of cold/flu thing. It sucks. I just want to be able to breathe through my nose again and not feel all achy.

So all of this time in bed has given me time to think. Becoming a mom has been something I have dreamed of my whole life and now at 22 weeks pregnant, it is turning into more and more of a reality. I can feel my little girl moving daily now and I am so excited to meet her in April!

As if becoming a parent isn't a big enough change, I'm now thinking about how my life will be as a stay at home mom. It has been mine and Doug's plan from the beginning for me to stay home with our children. We are not loaded by any stretch of the imagination, but we are really good savers and not very good spenders. These two things combined with the fact that it took freaking FOREVER to get pregnant have allowed us to prepare for this day financially.

I truly do love my job... especially with the amazing group of kiddos I have in my room this year. I'm having a really hard time saying goodbye to the teaching profession even if it only is temporarily while I raise my family. The parents that have asked about next year have all been visibly disappointed when I tell them that I'll be staying home. I expected a bunch of "Good for you's!" and "They don't stay young forever!" Instead I got, "I was hoping you could be (younger siblings)'s teacher." and stuff like, "You have a gift for teaching. You shouldn't leave!!!"

The people-pleaser in me wants to make all of these people happy. I mean, there are tons of GREAT moms that do it every day... work full time and parent. I just don't know if I can be one of them. Teaching to me is more than a full time job. Yes, there is the grading and planning that happens outside of school, but it is MORE than that. I am 100% dedicated to my students each year. They are my life. I think about them when I drive home, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about them, and they are usually one of the first things I think about in the morning. Is that weird?

I don't think that I can give 100% to them and still have enough left for my little family. I honestly don't know how people balance it all. If I am going to teach, I want to do it the way I always have. My job makes me really happy most days and is very fulfilling. I worry that I'll miss it terribly. My friends at work tell me, "When you hold her in your arms the first time, none of it will matter!" I've seen huge changes in my friends that have become parents recently and I still think it is the craziest thing. I feel this big change coming in my life and I have no clue how I am going to be afterward.

My plan right now is to work up to spring break which is the last week in March this year. Over the past 6 years that I worked for the county I'm in, I have only taken maybe 2 sick days (not counting this week) so fortunately I have a TON saved up. This will allow me to have a few weeks at home to prepare for our little girl's arrival if she is on time for her April 11th due date. A BIG part of me wants to work up to my due date, but I hate to lose the 30 plus sick days that I will have remaining AFTER I take my maternity leave. Right now, when someone asks me my due date, I tell them the beginning of April. ...darn guilty conscience.

My life sure is changing quickly. I'm gearing up for a major paradigm shift!

I'm going to be a MOM!

For those of you not on Facebook with me, you may not have heard the news.

After years of trying naturally unsuccessfully, surgery, and then other medical interventions, it took just one month of COMPLETELY giving up to it to happen. No fertility drugs, no counting, no temping, no sex... Well just kidding on the last one. ;)

I just wish I would have known giving up worked so well earlier! It would have saved three years of heartache. Giving up for me was the hardest part though. It was the conclusion that I had come to after I realized that I didn't have much fight left in me. My raw emotional state, the monthly roller coaster ride, and the harsh medical interventions I had been going through had all been trying on my marriage and on me personally. I had to honestly accept that it might just be Doug and I and that I was going to have to be OKAY with that.

I do realize that I could not have gotten to this point without my doctor. I also realize that my Heavenly Father had this planned all along for me. I couldn't have planned it better myself! I can honestly say LOOKING BACK that learned a lot about patience and planning and I grew a lot through my experiences.

PLEASE don't let me be one of those stories that you tell your friends who are having fertility issues. "I had this one friend that just gave up after YEARS of trying and now she's pregnant!" Although well-meaning, it does absolutely nothing to make your friend feel better and in fact makes her feel more defective. Just be there to listen and be supportive.

Finding out:

It was Wednesday, the first day of August and I had just gotten back from a day at Lake Anna with my friend Caitlin and her family where I got to do some kneeboarding. (pretty successful kneeboarding, I might add!) My arms were pretty sore still a couple days later, so I decided to take some ibuprofen (I hadn't taken the stuff the whole three years we were trying to get pregnant.) I hadn't done any counting the whole months of July or beginning August, so I honestly didn't even know when I was going to get my period. As I was going to bed a couple days later that Friday night, I started doing some back counting in my head and realized that I was three days late. I made a conscious decision to not get my hopes up and just go to bed.

The next morning on Saturday, I woke up a little before 5 and decided that I was going to test. There were two pregnancy tests in my bathroom cabinet. One of them was a first response and the other was one of those more expensive clear blue pregnancy tests that my friend had given me once she found out she was pregnant. I had decided in my head a while ago that the clear blue one would be the one that I would use when I REALLY thought I was pregnant. I have lost count of how many of those darn first response ones I have seen with negative results.

Anyway, I decided to use the first response one because I wasn't going to get my hopes up and it turned out unmistakably positive.

What?!?!?!?

I started shaking immediately, fell to my knees, and said a long, tearful prayer of thanks.

I'm going to be a mom to my little girl due in April!